Why were the cows always returning to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
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︎ Apr 20 2021
The aliens returned with a butter force.
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Why did the Cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!
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︎ Jan 16 2021
The new Godzilla Vs. Kong trailer says that Kong and Godzilla are at war...
Does that mean Kong might use... guerrilla warfare?
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Why did the priest return his ps5?
It didnβt support cross play
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︎ Mar 28 2021
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
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︎ May 02 2021
I'm tired of waiting for my PA to finish my return
It's really taxing my nerves.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
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︎ Apr 25 2021
My wife was not happy with the new mattress I bought for us and wanted to return it asap
I asked her to sleep on it and decide tomorrow.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
What do you call it when an old Australian person tries to contact you but you have to return the call?
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︎ Mar 27 2021
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
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︎ Apr 14 2021
All the astronauts I've met are so bad at returning phone calls.
It's like they've fallen off the face of the earth.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
The cast of βFriendsβ got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What kind of bird doesnβt know the words to their own song?
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︎ Apr 30 2021
I bought this book but had to return it for all the fowl language
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︎ Jul 01 2020
One of my daughters wants to marry the mailman...
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︎ May 12 2021
Somebody asked me the name of Godzillaβs son..
They called him Jesus-zilla.
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︎ Feb 21 2020
What is the opposite of Ladies fingers?
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︎ Mar 29 2021
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What did the farmer say when all of his haystacks were stolen?
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︎ Apr 22 2021
My wife is returning to the office and thus has to go back to wearing work outfits. One of her complaints was that wearing a bra was such a drag...
Iβve always found them to be very uplifting.
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︎ Jul 28 2020
Friend of mine asked why I took a side job at the bakery
I told him I donβt knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it
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︎ Apr 26 2021
What is the smelliest kind of ox?
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︎ Mar 15 2021
BEE-ware of the WASP
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︎ Mar 08 2021
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
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︎ Mar 06 2021
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling βI stepped on a Bee!β
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
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︎ Apr 26 2021
Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."
The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.
"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."
EDIT The responses here are incredible! π
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︎ Apr 28 2021
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
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︎ Feb 14 2021
My wife returned a package of pantyhose that she bought online, but they only refunded 90% of the purchase price...
...they claimed the 10% was a re-stocking fee.
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︎ Aug 12 2020
What did the piece of wood say when it had nothing to do?
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︎ May 10 2021
A lot of people canβt tell the difference between entomology and etymology.
I canβt find the words for how much this bugs me.
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︎ Apr 26 2021
When you die, what part of the body dies last?
The pupils....they dilate.
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︎ May 10 2021
The comments is full of puns like this one
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︎ Apr 26 2021
The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved
He really raised the bar on that one
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︎ Apr 12 2021
What's the opposite of a croissant?
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︎ Apr 24 2021
This bloke said to me: βIβm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.β
I said: βIs that a fret?'
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︎ Apr 07 2021
What kind of tree is the best for blocking water?
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︎ Mar 29 2021
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, whatβs on the outside?
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︎ Mar 14 2021
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
Heβll come around eventually.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Sibling humor, the backs of two ocean-themed quilts for my baby bro's new son and daughter.
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︎ May 08 2021
I saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night
First I was afraid, I was petrified
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︎ Apr 18 2021
Thought of this while I was teaching my little brother about the wonderful world of colors
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︎ Apr 26 2021
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you wonβt be headed to the ICU.
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Disney just announced a Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean crossover
I'm looking forward to seeing Arrgghh-2-D2.
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︎ May 10 2021
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