Being the new guy can suck
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whippymcdumbass
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the new car sales guy say when the customer asked about the cargo space?

β€œNo. No. This car go road.”

(saw a meme with this awhile back. Gets me every time)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rdrTrapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Have you guys checked the news today?

No rush.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zjunkmale
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
You guys hear about the new rock band that has 4 men but don’t sing?

Called Mount Rushmore

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy brings his friend to see his new lake house. When they get there, they see a goose on the front steps.

The friend says "hey, is he yours?"

The guy replies "yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can't communicate with any of the other birds."

His friend looked confused. "Is he mute?"

"No. I think he speaks porch geese."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the new element that was created (Ah)

The element of surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Did you guys hear about the new Space Jam sequel where Marvin the Martian joins the Monstars, scores all of their points and they win it all?

You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AquamarineCheetah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that the Indian restaurant hired a new delivery guy?

He’s a top-notch curry-er.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mondata
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.

I think it was Scampoo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new Halloween movie where the guy screams his lungs out?

It was breathtaking

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you guys heard about those new corduroy pillowcases in the news?

I'm sure you have, they're really making head lines.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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Have you heard about the new craze where guys bedazzle their testicles?

It's Pretty Nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wileydan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop coughing when he went to try his new suit?

He had a coughing fit.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunytou
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy was watching the news and saw that a famous celebrity had died. He called his friend to let him know.

Jim: Did you hear that Reece Whats-her-name died while eating a bowl of soup?

Joe: No way! Witherspoon???

Jim: Yes, of course.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20

it was a total Stihl

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrF4rtB4rf
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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I heard on the news that some guy was stealing wheels off police cars.

The police are working tirelessly to catch him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hemanth1797
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...

There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mittenshape
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy wakes up from surgery. "How'd it go, Doc?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we amputated the wrong leg...

The good news is that your other leg is all better."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heinz-enberg_
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. I’m MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.

Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derkus19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
You guys heard about the new dinosaur specie with no eyes?

Scientists name them Idontthinktheysaurus

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banhgiaygio
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear of the new documentary about perforated paper?

It was tearable.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys see the new Adventures of Tin Tin movie? His soul gets removed from his body and put into an industrial drum fan.

I'd rate it tin out of tin. Big fan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DripSquirt
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Did you hear about the guy handing out Bayer to those who are told bad news? /r/Jokes/comments/exjm59/…
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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β€œI’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says to this guy. β€œYou’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” β€œOh, that’s terrible!” says the man. β€œGive it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?” β€œTen…” the doctor says slowly.

β€œNine... eight… seven...”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a really hairy guy who is new to the army

A wookie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Llamaz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm in the middle of developing a new game. This guy came to life today and I just love his character so much!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udipadhikari
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the new shovel?

It’s ground breaking

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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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*after the train had had trouble stopping in the right spot for multiple consecutive stops* Mom: I guess the guy driving is new.

Dad: Maybe he's a trainee.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Did you guys hear about the new cemetery in town?

People are just dying to get in there

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheaterpeefo
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear the news an ape opened a tanning salon in Bangkok I know heard he named it β€œA Range Of Tans”
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElMichoacano
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Help me guys! I tried to film a cake being baked, with my new camera, but when I turned on the oven, it broke

I swear that it said the camera could record in 360 degrees, on the box

Edit: corrected a typo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielnm1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
You guys seen the new Creed trailer?
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradyBerserker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend recently got t-boned in his new car after winning the lottery. I asked him if he was a glass half full or glass half empty type of guy. He responded

Medium-well.

Edit: over-medium is for eggs

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UD_Gama_Reigh
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
You hear about the guy with new limbs?

I heard he's armed now

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsroman98
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you guys watch the news? Someone poured oil all over a major Jordanian city and heated it up.

It was Petra frying

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadnav
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The new guy at work is named Kelvin.

I asked him if he was a temp.

He said no.

I said, "Cool."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandJA1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the new corduroy pillows that were invented?

They’re making headlines everywhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I started talking to the new guy at work about the Titanic

It was a terrible icebreaker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmzyYT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got a new boomerang for his birthday?

He spent the next two days trying to throw the old one away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesus_Shaves_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I hope these guys weed out the competition with their new business endeavor
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πŸ‘€︎ u/subversiveasset
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is there no new guy at the animal doctor’s office?

Because they’re all vets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rynbertb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Guy and his wife at the store,looking for a new ironing board

Wife: look this one makes it so you only have to iron 1 side Guy: so if we bought 2 we wouldn’t need an iron?

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
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Did you guys hear that story on the news about the little Russian doll who robbed the big Russian doll?

I heard it was an inside job

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eldiddykong
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard on the news there was a guy in town stealing the wheels off police cars

The cops are working tirelessly to catch him (Got it from r/memes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/12thNazgul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
So did you guys here about the new graveyard that just opened?

People are just dying to get in.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxStupidBusxX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report

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