Being the new guy can suck
Have you guys checked the news today?
You guys hear about the new rock band that has 4 men but don’t sing?
A guy brings his friend to see his new lake house. When they get there, they see a goose on the front steps.
The friend says "hey, is he yours?"
The guy replies "yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can't communicate with any of the other birds."
His friend looked confused. "Is he mute?"
"No. I think he speaks porch geese."
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks “What are you counting?”
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
Did you guys hear about the new element that was created (Ah)
Did you guys hear about the new Space Jam sequel where Marvin the Martian joins the Monstars, scores all of their points and they win it all?
You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film
Two French IT guys have come up with a new system to share files electronically.
It’s a Pierre to Pierre network.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
New clients will flock to these guys
Did you hear that the Indian restaurant hired a new delivery guy?
He’s a top-notch curry-er.
Did you hear about the new Halloween movie where the guy screams his lungs out?
Have you seen that new Chinese/Mediterranean restaurant started by that guy from Cairo?
It's called Wok like an Egyptian.
A guy walked into a bar in New Orleans and ordered a Corona Extra and two Hurricanes.
The bartender said "that'll be $20.20"
Have you guys heard that new rumor going around about butter...?
no...? Well I don't think I should be spreading it...
Hey guys! I invented a new word!
Have you guys heard about those new corduroy pillowcases in the news?
I'm sure you have, they're really making head lines.
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop coughing when he went to try his new suit?
Have you heard about the new craze where guys bedazzle their testicles?
A guy was watching the news and saw that a famous celebrity had died. He called his friend to let him know.
Jim: Did you hear that Reece Whats-her-name died while eating a bowl of soup?
Joe: No way! Witherspoon???
Jim: Yes, of course.
I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20
Me and some other guys like to get together at the local supermarket to show off our rare breed black-feathered chickens. New guy today mustn't have understood because...
There was an unexpected white hen in the bragging area
A guy wakes up from surgery. "How'd it go, Doc?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we amputated the wrong leg...
The good news is that your other leg is all better."
I heard on the news that some guy was stealing wheels off police cars.
The police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Hey guys, I just tested out my new sledgehammer!
Let’s just say the experience was groundbreaking.
I once new a guy that used to do circumcisions
He told me, “The money isn’t great, but I get to keep the tips”
You guys heard about the new dinosaur specie with no eyes?
Scientists name them Idontthinktheysaurus
We have a new design! What do you guys think about it?
Hey, since we (the new mods) joined the sub 1,5 months ago we've made some changes, mostly with the rules and some backend stuff. Now I also updated the icon (slightly) and the banner (on redesign and mobile), too.
What do you guys think about it?
Do you like it? ( Yes/No ). What could be improved about it?
Also, are you happy with how we're moderating the subreddit? Are we too strict with the rules or toulouse too loose? Do the rules even make sense?
We want to improve this subreddit and we need your feedback for that, so feel free to speak your mind!
You can either simply leave a comment down here in the thread or send us a message.
Looking forward to your feedback and have a nice day! :)
Ok guys. Time to rally together to help a fellow new dad out. I’m MCing a wedding and need the worst of the worst wedding themed dad jokes you have to offer.
Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.
Guy Ritches started on a new film about a killer virus...
Lock doors, stockpile and two runny nostrils
Did you guys hear of the new documentary about perforated paper?
Did you guys see the new Adventures of Tin Tin movie? His soul gets removed from his body and put into an industrial drum fan.
I'd rate it tin out of tin. Big fan
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says to this guy. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?” “Ten…” the doctor says slowly.
“Nine... eight… seven...”
What do you call a really hairy guy who is new to the army
*after the train had had trouble stopping in the right spot for multiple consecutive stops* Mom: I guess the guy driving is new.
Dad: Maybe he's a trainee.
Did you guys hear about the new shovel?
I'm in the middle of developing a new game. This guy came to life today and I just love his character so much!
Guys, I got a new Apple Watch for Christmas!
Did you guys hear about the new cemetery in town?
People are just dying to get in there
Did you guys hear the news an ape opened a tanning salon in Bangkok I know heard he named it “A Range Of Tans”
Have you guys tried this new "Vajazzle for Dads" kit?
My friend recently got t-boned in his new car after winning the lottery. I asked him if he was a glass half full or glass half empty type of guy. He responded
Medium-well.
Edit: over-medium is for eggs
Help me guys! I tried to film a cake being baked, with my new camera, but when I turned on the oven, it broke
I swear that it said the camera could record in 360 degrees, on the box
Edit: corrected a typo
Guys I just made up a new word!
Have you guys heard about these new corduroy pillowcases?
They're really making headlines!
I heard on the news there was a guy in town stealing the wheels off police cars
The cops are working tirelessly to catch him
(Got it from r/memes)
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