To the person who stole my Microsoft Office license.
I'm gonna find you. You have my word.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
I saw Kate Middleton's sister leaving a plastic surgeon's office the other day, but I can't tell you what work she had done.
That would be a Pippa violation.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
A man walks into the doctor's office
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.
"Like a glove."
π︎ 150
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Recently moved to a new place and position for my job. Boss on the first day said "Hey Paul glad you made it, how you liking your new office?"
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
I used to love going to the post office
but the Postmaster General has really taken DeJoy out of the mail.οΏΌ
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
What is the opposite of Microsoft Office?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
A local contractor hired a pasta chef to redo the interior of a doctorβs office that studies antibiotics.
The inside looks great! They have a penne ceiling.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
At the office barbecue, I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, βI like it well done.β
I said, βThanks. That means a lot.β
π︎ 100
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
Office-ally the best pun thread
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
A bell curve walked into a plastic surgeon's office and said "Doctor, I don't like the way I look"
And the doctor said, "You look normal to me".
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Why was the chicken sent to the principles office?
He was caught using fowl language.
(I came up with this, but I'm sure it's been done before)
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
@my office: 4 yr boy says βwhy did the Christmas cookie go to the dentist?β
Because he had Ginger-vitis!
That father had the biggest smile on his face.. happy holidays everybody!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.
I still think he was selling himself short.
π︎ 40
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office
It was a twerk place injury
π︎ 61
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
What do you call a finance minister who successfully completes his term in the office? BUCK-MINSTER-FULLER-RENE
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
The guy I suspect is a cannibal in the office always brings in something questionable.
Today was white chick in chili.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Everyone at my therapistβs office hates it when I stand on one corner of the room and blow air at people.
π︎ 288
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
Iβm worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coronerβs office
Itβs a pretty big undertaking
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
What happened to the men who smashed all the windows in their office building..
They're now facing a glass action lawsuit.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
If you rearrange the letters in post office
Your boss gets really mad.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
1 of the 2 women in my office has cast a spell on me...
I don't know which one is witch ?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
Never get caught behind Satan in line at the post office.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
Why was the gay man exhausted after a long day at the office?
Because he worked 9 hours straight.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
As I was leaving the vetβs office, he said βHere is the bill..
Sorry, that we were unable to reattach it to your duck.β
π︎ 90
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
We had a party for our office supplies today. We even invited the invisible ink.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
What is he underwater equivalent of βThe officeβ
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
The other day somebody asked me if I liked the office
I told them It depends on how much work I have pending
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
π︎ 26k
π
︎ Aug 04 2019
My wife is returning to the office and thus has to go back to wearing work outfits. One of her complaints was that wearing a bra was such a drag...
Iβve always found them to be very uplifting.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
Just another joke making rounds in the Office
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.
You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
What is the king of office supplies?
π︎ 61
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
Man had the courage to come into my office and ask what the bucket, the rope, and the pipes were for...
π︎ 34
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?
βI can clearly see you're nuts....β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office key.
Im gonna find you. You have my word.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you
π︎ 180
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office
It was a twerk place injury.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Mar 06 2020
To the person that stole my copy of Microsoft Office
I will find you, you have my Word
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
What's the opposite of Microsoft Office?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office
I will find you, you have my Word!
π︎ 70
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in the Post Office
π︎ 586
π
︎ May 01 2020
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award
means to me.
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Sep 06 2019
To the person whole stole my Microsoft Office
I will find you, you have my Word
π︎ 88
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
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