He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..
since he is good at catching snitches
Apparently they all look the same and I should have left it in the yard.
Beverly Holes! (That's where I want to beeee)
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"
The doctor, after examining him: Donβt worry. Theyβre benign.
Pirate: Are you sure? I thought I counted ten.
Dada Mole pokes his nose out of the mole hole, sniffs the air, and licks his lips. βMmm, someone nearby is baking.β he says. βI smell butter.β
Mama Mole comes up next and sniffs the air. Her eyes light up. "Yes, someone is baking,β she says. βI smell sugar!β
Brother Mole is next. βMmm, maybe some chocolate!β he exclaims as he does a little dance.
Little Baby Mole is last. He sniffs the air, gags and nearly chokes as he says βAll I smell is molasses.β
Turns out I have skin prancer
The second mole crawled out of the hole and said:
"I smell strawberries!"
The third mole crawled out of the hole and said:
"I smell molasses!!!"
"I wouldn't worry about it," said the doctor, "They're benign."
"Count 'em again doc," said the pirate, "You'll find there be ten."
It's growing on me
Molasses.
just saw this one here and spit out my water https://www.instagram.com/p/-z5Bn4sUi2/
To which I replied: "Hmph. Somebody must have whacked it."
Girlfriend rolled her eyes so hard she must have seen her brain.
So I ask him, "How many more are there to catch?"
He says, "Oh, about 6.02 times 10 to the 23rd."
Gotta love engineers!
The dad suddenly sits up, sniffs the air and runs to the narrow opening.
"Somebody is baking! I smell nutmeg!"
The mother runs over and wedges herself in the remaining opening.
"Ooh! I smell vanilla and cinnamon!"
The baby poked and prodded but couldn't get past his mom and dad to smell the outside air.
"Oh man! All I smell is mole asses!"
The first mole says βI can smell the clean air and grass! Weβre almost there!β
The second mole says βI can smell the fresh wet dirt! Weβre almost there!β
The third mole says βReally? All I can smell is molasses.β
I have uncovered a plot by r/punpatrol . They plan to eradicate all puns and dad jokes by going to the source, users. Be warned, they will stop at nothing to get rid of us. They have even taken measures to eliminate moles. We must stop this.
However, the mole couldn't reach them from the high trees and he struggled to climb them. Luckily, there was a tall giraffe who offered to help and got the oranges down for the mole.
The mole would go up to the giraffe every morning and ask him for some oranges. The giraffe would happily oblige but little by little he would get more irritated. One day, the giraffe finally got mad and told the mole to see the badger who could make a tool to help him get the oranges down from the tree.
The mole trundled over to the badger and asked him to make him a tool to help with the orange problem. The badger happily agreed to help and went into his shed. For a few days after: cutting, grinding and sawing could be heard coming from his shed when he finally emerged with a 4-pointed tool. He then proceeded to demonstrate the 4-point tool by sticking it into an orange and allowing the juice from which to drain down the arm of the tool.
The mole was extremely happy and excited by his new magnificent 4-point tool and showed everyone it's amazing capabilities. After a while, however, he realised he had shown it to pretty much everyone. Then he remembered the black cat resting under the oak tree. So he walked over to the tree and tried to show the black cat the 4-point tool. The cat said he couldn't see it properly and asked the mole to come closer. The mole took a few steps forward. Again, the black cat requested the mole to come closer and the mole cautiously stepped closer. Finally the black cat lunged forward and ate the 4-point tool.
The mole couldn't believe it and exclaimed, "Why did you do that?"
To which the black cat replied, "Oh haven't you heard? I am a 4-point tool eater Jaguar!"
Days That Are Puns
1/23 - January 23rd reads like 123
3/10 - Mar10 Day - Nintendo's Mario Day
3/11 - There's an awesome band called 311
3/14 - 3.14 is the first few digits of Pi AKA Pi Day
5/4 - May the 4th be with you - A pun on "May the force be with you." AKA Star Wars Day
7/11 - Free Slurpee Day at 7 Eleven stores
9/11 - No intention of being offensive with this one. 9/11 reads like the emergency phone number used in the United States
10/4 - Pun for 10-4, which is similar to saying "roger that"
10/23 - National Mole Day (Avogrado's number) 6.02 x 10^23
Please mention any I missed!
...when father mole looks over lovingly to mother mole and says, "In appreciation of all you do, we are going to brunch today!"
Mother mole and baby mole excitedly get ready and put on their Sunday best.
When they are ready to leave, mother mole climbs up the tunnel first, and exclaims, "O my, I can smell pancakes and syrup!" Baby mole comes up next and says, "I can smell eggs and bacon!"
Father mole follows behind and says, "Funny, all I can smell is molasses!"
A daddy mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. One day the daddy mole popped his head out of the ground and said, "I smell cookies!" The momma mole squeezed through the opening of the hole next to daddy mole and said, "I smell ice cream!" The baby mole tried popping out of the hole, but couldn't squeeze between his parents. He said, "All I smell is molasses..."
A man sat with his son one day and told him a story of him and his father:
One day, his father took him to their special spot by the lake, a large clearing, once full of beautiful flowers but now all that stood in their place were numerous holes due to moles making their homes in the field.
His father asked him to count holes and tell him how many there were. He took all day but managed to find 300 holes.
His father then took him to another field that had been ravaged by moles and asked him to count how many holes there were. He managed to find 400 holes.
His father then asked him how many holes there were total, and he replied "700 holes, dad, but why did you make me count the holes?"
His father smiled and replied, "Well son, it might not be a very interesting tale; but it's a hole sum story you can tell your kids in the future!"
High school chemistry project.
Need a good pun on the word "mole"
Examples: marsh-mole-ow, mole-ionaire, guaca-mole
Funny collection of chemistry puns
What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heβs 0K now.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.
How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone
What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.
Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you canβt helium or curium, you barium!
Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.
Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because itβs in the ground state.
How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocadoβs number.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What element is a girlβs future best friend? Carbon.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heβs 0K now.
What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium
What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe
What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A βgramβ cracker.
What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)
What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.
How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a βcarbonkneelβ
What did one titration tell the other? Letβs meet at the endpoint.
How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because itβs basic material.
Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down
Why do chemistry professor like to
... keep reading on reddit β‘My dad had a real goofy and dadly sense of humor. He past a way about 4 years ago but all the jokes here remind me of the ones he used to make. I'm smiling so hard as I go through these.
One of my favorites was the mole joke: One day a house near a molehill was making pancakes. Daddy mole comes up, sniffs, and says,"I smell pancakes." Mamma mole pops up next to him, sniffs, and says I smell pancakes too!" Baby mole hears his parents but can't get past their rear ends. So he says,"All I smell is molasses!"
7 year old me was in tears every time!
My dad: So there's this family of moles, who live underground of course. The mother mole comes out of their hole and says, "Oh, it smells like syrup out here." Then the father mole comes out behind her and says, "I think it smells like honey." Then their son comes out behind both of them, but he couldn't fit out of the hole, and he says, "Well to me it smells like molasses!"
I need your help Reddit, I need the most punny names for a mole. "Molezart", "Tootsie mole" etc.
"What do they do with the rest of the Mole, anyway?"
My sister: We were out of brown sugar so I used sugar and molasses. Brother-in-law: How did the moles feel about that?
He then proceeded to laugh like a maniac when I groaned loudly.
Because of all the mole asses.
My chemistry teacher loves making puns at every chance she gets, so she always comes up with interesting names for the chapters we learn.
Ch 1 & 3: What's the matter? (The chapter was obviously about matter)
Ch 4: Speaking periodically (about the periodic table)
Ch 5 & 6: Bond, chemical bond (about chemical bonds)
Ch 7: Holey Moley! (about converting measurements to moles)
Ch 8: My chemical reaction (about chemical reactions)
My sister found a jar of molasses in the kitchen cabinet and asked what it was. The first thing I thought of to respond was "the last part of the mole to go down the hole." My mom just looked at me and shook her head in shame as I cracked up.
So my dad has this little mole thing right under his lip where he usually grows his soul patch. Today he went to the dermatologist to get it biopsied. I met up with him afterwards and we were discussing the fate of his mole and what might happen if he cuts it off. Me: "what if it leaves a scar?" Dad: "it's okay I'll just grow my soul patch again and cover it" Me: "but what if the hair doesn't grow back? What if it leaves a hole?" Dad: "then it'll be a hole patch" Me: groans for all of eternity
Mom: The cat killed a mole today, it looked like she was eating its head! Dad: Well everyone calls her stupid, maybe she was looking for some "brain food".
Nice one dad.
A family of 3 moles were walking around in a tunnel. The tunnel was dark causing the dad to run into a wall. Then the mom ran into the dad and the baby mole ran into the mom. The dad sniffs the air and says "I smell pancakes." Then the mom says, "I smell syrup" then the baby says "I smell molasses"
My mom sighed and my dad was in tears from laughing so hard.
