Can't believe someone broke into my garage and stole the limbo stick...
Seriously, how low can you go?
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︎ Sep 09 2020
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︎ Jul 09 2020
The sign in the hospital parking garage said Patient Discharge.
That explained the stains next to it.
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︎ Jul 06 2020
My son asked if he could use the garage so he could jam with his band.
I broke the bad news: we only have marmalade in this house.
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︎ Jun 24 2020
My neighbor was repairing his car in the garage.
He had taken out both front tires. When he went inside his house I decided to steal away only one tire, because stealing both would have made me two tired.
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︎ Jul 06 2020
What did the redditor say to his mother while waiting for her to get the automobile out of the garage?
Get the kar-ma!
Iβll see myself out.
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︎ May 11 2020
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage?
It was wrong on so many levels.
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︎ Jan 30 2020
Dad joke at the garage sale
So I'm at a local garage sale, and I can't help myself, I have to look into the free bin.
there, staring back at me was a guitar without any strings on it... and of coarse the dad joke of a lifetime.
A sign that read "free guitar, no strings attached." :D
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︎ Aug 06 2019
I caught my son smoking pot in the garage, and a few minutes later, my wife walked in.
She caught my son and me smoking pot in the garage.
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︎ May 10 2019
Why can't Superman ever drive to the top level of the parking garage?
Because he always stays in the Lois Lane
Kill me pls
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︎ May 10 2019
What did the parking garage say to the road?
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︎ Mar 20 2019
I went to a garage sale the other day, they had a radio with no volume control.
I just couldn't turn it down
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︎ Dec 28 2018
I went to a garage sale and saw a radio for 1$ that had its volume stuck all the way up.
So I said "I guess I can't turn that down!"
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︎ May 26 2019
As we were cleaning the garage I asked my 10 year old: βson, do you have any big heavy balls?β
Son: βyes, I have a fewβ
Me βyou do? Where do you buy your underwear?β
After a few second pause, my son says: βDickβs Supporting Goodsβ
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︎ Apr 28 2019
At least the shaking father didn't have to place his car in the garage on his own...
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︎ Dec 25 2018
I was in the garage the other day and the neighbor kid threw a small file at me...
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︎ Dec 07 2017
Just walked into the garage and the universe made a dad joke
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︎ Jun 14 2017
Why couldn't the dead car drive into the cluttered garage
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︎ Mar 28 2018
Dad was in the garage working when he dropped this one.
http://i.imgur.com/rP4gc2C.jpg
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︎ Apr 08 2014
I finally fixed that leak behind the garage. No more rain on the lawnmower!
This is truly a watershed moment!
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︎ Jan 08 2018
I asked dad why it makes him so uncomfortable to discuss the possibility of me moving into the garage?
He said "It's too close to home".
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︎ Jan 10 2018
Did you hear about the Rabi who made beer in his garage?
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︎ Dec 07 2017
Hey, the house next door is having a garage sale.
I wonder how much they're charging... I could really use a new garage!
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︎ May 30 2015
My wife said she noticed a hole in the garage.
I told her I'd look into it.
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︎ Aug 08 2016
At the garage sale today, there was this RC circuit kit being sold cheap because it was missing its resistors. I don't like electronics but I got it anyways.
The offer was irresistible.
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︎ May 20 2017
My dad likes to help cut up all of our cardboard boxes in the garage, and compactly pack them for recycling...
I joked with him about how the boxes are piling up and I need him to cut them up. He lives overseas so he said that if I buy his plane ticket, he'll come and do the work.
I told him that my gardener Ebodio will cut the boxes if I ask him to, and much less money.
To make my dad feel better, I (half-jokingly) say that Ebodio's technique is not as good and he will be slower, but he'll be a whole lot cheaper.
My dad's response:
"I feel like I am being undercut"
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︎ Jul 08 2017
I was getting a rabbit trap off the top shelf in my garage when it fell on my head.
It got caught in my hair.
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︎ Sep 14 2016
anytime we are within 3 feet of his pegboard of tools in the garage, my Dad drops this on me.
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︎ Nov 16 2013
Was driving to pick up a car from the garage with my dad
We went to pick up my mom's red Fiat 500, and as we turned right my dad remarked on a green Fiat that passed by us. He said: "I guess that one isn't ripe yet."
I chuckled.
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︎ Apr 18 2014
My son left his luggage in the garage
Where ya goin' son?
To grab my bag.
The bathroom has more privacy, son.
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︎ Aug 16 2016
Cleaning out the garage, Episode 1, starring: my dad.
This is what happens when you retire.
http://i.imgur.com/WDQ2hR1.png
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︎ Jun 21 2016
My wife said, of RideLondon participants, "I can ride faster than that on my bike in the garage"
I replied, you won't get very far in the garage
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︎ Aug 02 2015
Waiting in a line of cars in the parking garage...
Dad: We better turn off the fan, or we'll all get exhausted.
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︎ Dec 14 2015
Doing some work in the garage when my dad said this one
Dad: We need 10W-30 oil for the lawnmower but it looks like we only have 10W-40. We'll try it, though.
Me: What's the difference?
Dad: Oh, about ten. Hehe.
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︎ May 31 2015
My dad is driving the car out of a parking garage...
...and my little brother from the back seat says,
Brother: we just made four right turns in a row.
Dad: it's a good thing we haven't made any wrong turns yet.
Dammit Dad.
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︎ Dec 16 2013
Someone broke into my garage and stole the limbo stick
Like Seriously, how low can you go?
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︎ Sep 13 2020
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