Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped…
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch.
It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the hell are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs.
"Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"
My son is upset because his friends’ parents wouldn’t let them climb the jungle gym with him.
They’re just a bunch of climb mate deniers.
From my Daughter (9y.o): why did the boy climb the tree with his hockey stick?
...because he wanted to play with the Leafs
Some people climb to the top, while others get stepped on.
There was a tree near my house that all the neighbourhood kids loved to climb. I never understood why for a long time, until one day...
I realized it was poplar.
What type of tree does the maths teacher climb ?
I was disappointed when it turned out the axe I bought to climb with was useless for the job...
Would you walk hundreds of miles, climb a volcano and risk your life for the sake of saving the world?
In 1938, two teams racing to be the first to climb the Eiger North Face joint forces along the way and reached the summit together.
You could call it The Tie of the Eiger.
Dad: Why did the elephant climb the maple tree?
Daughter: (Studiously ignores him).
Dad: To eat some cherries.
Daughter: (Not looking up from her phone). Maple trees don't have cherries, Dad.
Dad: He brought his own.
The other day I had to climb up some equipment at a cheese making factory.
I thought that it was strong enough to clamber up, but it ended up giving whey.
Why did the Dragonborn climb all the way to High Hrothgar?
He wanted to know what all the Fus was all about.
What's the best way to climb out of ELO hell?
My cat kept trying to climb my Christmas tree so I put aluminum around the base of the tree.
Her plans have been foiled.
Why couldn’t the peeping tom climb mountains?
Because he always peaked.
Why did the chicken climb on top of the house?
...because it wanted to be a ROOFster.
So the travel agency said I could climb Mt. Everest and it would only cost $100,000.
I said no thanks, that's a bit too steep.
Why did the comedians climb the mountain?
Cause they thought it would be hill-arious!!!
In the forest, a sad lonely looking turtle begins to climb slowly up a huge tree. Half way up, it edges along a branch, sighs, then jumps. It falls smacking into the ground, bouncing and tumbling across the forest floor...
Recovering and bruised, he slowly climbs the tree again, jumps and falls to the ground.
The turtle tries again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watch his pathetic efforts.
Finally, the female bird turns to her mate, “Darling, don't you think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted?"
Do the guys who climb mountains
In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Mt. Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.
Since then, the steaks have never been higher.
Did you hear about the guy who tried to climb a hill without a watch?
He didn't make it because he had neither the time nor the inclination.
Why did the Yorkshireman climb the mountain?
Because it was summit to do.
Even though he had an extreme fear of heights, why did the butcher resolve to climb all the way up the ladder?
The steaks were too high.
Why didn't the Australian marsupial climb down the tree to drink the beverage waiting for him on the ground?
Does the people who climb Mount Everest... everest
>!had to put the punch line on the title!<
To get out of the window, you can either jump or climb down, I’d choose the ladder
There was a prison break and saw a midget climb up the fence and give me a nasty look
And I thought to myself “that was a little condescending”
Why did the junkies climb the mountain?
So that they could get high.
My back gate was frozen shut today. Had to try to climb over it to get the garbage to the alley.
I somehow managed to get myself stuck up there. I’m still on the fence about it.
I didn't know if I wanted to climb over the bar.
I was kinda on the fence about it.
What's the difference between a ladder and a hammer? --You can't climb the latter.
Why did the cow climb on to the roof of the barn?
Because it didn't want to be ground beef
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down, he sneered at me and I thought, "Well, that's a little condescending."
9gag.com/gag/aBQVAjQ
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down, he sneered at me.
I thought, well that's a little condescending.
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