The Chase of Spades.
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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You hear about the dog who liked to chase cars?

He got tired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ixnayhombray
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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My girlfriend gets triggered when I get up and chase the birds away from our backyard every morning.

She says it’s my crow aggression.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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My wife gets really upset when I get up every morning and chase the birds from the bird feeder.

She calls it my crow aggression.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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My wife and kids laughed when they saw me chase a penny which rolled down the drain.

They were having fun at my ex pence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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What does a dog say when it chases a squirrel up to the tree?

Bark!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pho_spaghetti
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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A Nissan leaf was involved in a police chase that ended with the driver running out of charge

He was released without charge

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iwantmyteslanow
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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the thrill of the chase
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditVisitor69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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Tom only chases the most suitable mouse.

I guess that is Jerry picking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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My dog used to chase people on bikes all the time.

It got so bad I had to take his bikes away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoWayJerkface
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2017
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Somehow, we got on the topic of Chevy Chase's filmography

Coworker: "Didn't Fletch have that chase scene in it?"

Me: "I'd say it had a lot of Chase scenes."

I received a new personal record for eye rolls per single joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drummernv
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2016
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

Imma cashew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/modular-emergence
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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What did one nut say while chasing the other nut?

"I'm a CASSSHHHEWWWW!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fentsterTHEglob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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I was walking down the street after leaving the pharmacy and noticed a casket was chasing me. Well all I had was a bottle off cough syrup so I threw it at the casket...

...and then the coffin stopped.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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My dog happily chased a fly around the house, eventually nabbing it in one chomp.

I guess it's true: time's fun when you're having flies!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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The other night, I had a dream about being chased by an armored horse.

It was a knight mare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EGOfoodie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Chaos, subterfuge, and conflict ensued as a giant primate chased everyone off the pier, declaring it his own and invoking his title.

Gorilla wharf heir.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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Owner: The neighbours say you’ve been chasing people on bicycles!

Dog: They’re lying, I don’t even have a bicycle! πŸ• 🚲

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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I saw the police chasing a guy down the street, who'd just stolen an inexpensive board game......

It was a real trivial pursuit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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What a strange morning. First I find a hat full of money in the street and then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CormacN
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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What did the nut say when he was chasing the other nut? πŸ₯œ

β€œI’m going to cashew!!”

my dad actually sent this in the family group chat, had to share even if it’s an old joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravenelise026
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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A man chased me down the street yesterday trying to rob me...

...He gave me a run for my money.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aarontminded
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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On the news this morning, they reported about a mountain biker who was chased by a Grizzly.

He bearly made it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedeafbadger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Yesterday me and my friend were chasing on discord,then someone in the server posted a slightly dirty meme. So my friend said "Improvise. Adapt. Overcum" which fits the meme well.. so I said "Cumon, you beat meato tits"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dagreifers
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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One time my cat chased down a drone and brought it to me. The drone's owner accused me of theft. In my defense, I said it wasn't stolen...

...it was purr-chased

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrLazyTiger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Did you hear about the man who chased after cars?

He was exhausted

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Itsy Bitsy Spider β€” Dad version

Use this nursery rhyme to play "scary/gross monster" with your tyke:

"The itsy bitsy spider climbed into Mia's mouth
Down to her ears and crawling in and out!
Out through her nose and tickled with her legs,
She made Mia sneeze her brains to scrambled eggs!

achoo splat bleah"

Substitute $name for Mia.

Spider hand chases while Dad reclines on bed. Tyke busily baits and counterattacks.

I dunno whether this qualifies as a Dad joke, but my wife hated it until she saw how much my daughter liked it. I feel like that fits the spirit of Dadness. For maximum results, send your wife the poem first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeoLittlebook
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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My friend phoned me. 'I just stole some goatskin,' he said breathlessly, 'and now the police are chasing me. What should I do?'

I said, 'Hide?'

He said, 'Yes, that's what goatskin is.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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This rooster was chasing a hen, clearly meaning business. But as it passed the kitchen grandma was throwing out some breadcrumbs and so it suddenly lost interest and started pecking away.

Upon which grandpa said, "Son, pray for me, that I never get that hungry!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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So, I was in a coffee shop drinking tea, and when I reached down to tie my shoe, my tea was gone!

I saw this guy with the same cup as me and chased him down the street. Finally caught up with him and realized...that’s not my cup of tea

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I was recently chased by ISIS when i went to the Middle East

Needless to say, Iran.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_RaptorRex
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nuts?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MintyWater23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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When the police were chasing me I only just got away by firing myself out of a bow...

I tell you, it was a narrow escape.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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The police came to my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes

My dogs don't even have bikes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natteulven
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2016
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A thief was being chased by the cops for over a decade..

Finally, he was given arrest.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

β€œI’m a cashew. β€œ

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maria_von_Trapp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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What did the nut say when chasing the other nut?

I’m a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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What did one nut say when chasing the other nut?

I'm a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danibloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

I’m a cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rengokufan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

I’m a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 244
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chocolateechidna
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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What did the nut said while chasing the other nut?

Im a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rzj_stuff
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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What did the nut say when he was chasing the other nut?

I’m a CASHEW!

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

I’m a cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 865
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnazS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut

I'm a cashew

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VadimKu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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What did the nut say to another nut that it was chasing?

I'm a cashew

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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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What did one nut say while chasing the other?

I'm a cashew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhallen2260
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

I'm a cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILooveMangoes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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A man chased me down the street yesterday trying to rob me...

...he gave me a run for my money

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aarontminded
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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While chasing the other peanut

He said β€œI’m going to cashew.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mo_oseT
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

I'm a cashew.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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