The Chase of Spades.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
You hear about the dog who liked to chase cars?
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︎ Jan 03 2021
My girlfriend gets triggered when I get up and chase the birds away from our backyard every morning.
She says itβs my crow aggression.
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︎ May 03 2020
My wife gets really upset when I get up every morning and chase the birds from the bird feeder.
She calls it my crow aggression.
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︎ Mar 16 2020
My wife and kids laughed when they saw me chase a penny which rolled down the drain.
They were having fun at my ex pence.
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︎ Mar 03 2020
What does a dog say when it chases a squirrel up to the tree?
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︎ Jan 21 2020
A Nissan leaf was involved in a police chase that ended with the driver running out of charge
He was released without charge
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︎ May 05 2019
the thrill of the chase
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︎ Sep 04 2018
Tom only chases the most suitable mouse.
I guess that is Jerry picking.
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︎ Aug 29 2018
My dog used to chase people on bikes all the time.
It got so bad I had to take his bikes away.
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︎ Feb 04 2017
Somehow, we got on the topic of Chevy Chase's filmography
Coworker: "Didn't Fletch have that chase scene in it?"
Me: "I'd say it had a lot of Chase scenes."
I received a new personal record for eye rolls per single joke.
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︎ Feb 11 2016
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
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︎ Jan 20 2021
What did one nut say while chasing the other nut?
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︎ Nov 12 2020
I was walking down the street after leaving the pharmacy and noticed a casket was chasing me. Well all I had was a bottle off cough syrup so I threw it at the casket...
...and then the coffin stopped.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
My dog happily chased a fly around the house, eventually nabbing it in one chomp.
I guess it's true: time's fun when you're having flies!
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︎ Aug 09 2020
The other night, I had a dream about being chased by an armored horse.
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Chaos, subterfuge, and conflict ensued as a giant primate chased everyone off the pier, declaring it his own and invoking his title.
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︎ Mar 05 2020
Owner: The neighbours say youβve been chasing people on bicycles!
Dog: Theyβre lying, I donβt even have a bicycle! π π²
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︎ Mar 18 2020
I saw the police chasing a guy down the street, who'd just stolen an inexpensive board game......
It was a real trivial pursuit
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︎ Oct 04 2019
What a strange morning. First I find a hat full of money in the street and then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
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︎ Jul 09 2019
What did the nut say when he was chasing the other nut? π₯
βIβm going to cashew!!β
my dad actually sent this in the family group chat, had to share even if itβs an old joke
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︎ Jul 22 2019
A man chased me down the street yesterday trying to rob me...
...He gave me a run for my money.
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︎ Mar 22 2019
On the news this morning, they reported about a mountain biker who was chased by a Grizzly.
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︎ Aug 31 2019
Yesterday me and my friend were chasing on discord,then someone in the server posted a slightly dirty meme. So my friend said "Improvise. Adapt. Overcum" which fits the meme well.. so I said "Cumon, you beat meato tits"
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︎ May 31 2019
One time my cat chased down a drone and brought it to me. The drone's owner accused me of theft. In my defense, I said it wasn't stolen...
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︎ Dec 29 2018
Did you hear about the man who chased after cars?
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︎ Jun 19 2019
Itsy Bitsy Spider β Dad version
Use this nursery rhyme to play "scary/gross monster" with your tyke:
"The itsy bitsy spider climbed into Mia's mouth
Down to her ears and crawling in and out!
Out through her nose and tickled with her legs,
She made Mia sneeze her brains to scrambled eggs!
achoo splat bleah"
Substitute $name for Mia.
Spider hand chases while Dad reclines on bed. Tyke busily baits and counterattacks.
I dunno whether this qualifies as a Dad joke, but my wife hated it until she saw how much my daughter liked it. I feel like that fits the spirit of Dadness. For maximum results, send your wife the poem first.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
My friend phoned me. 'I just stole some goatskin,' he said breathlessly, 'and now the police are chasing me. What should I do?'
I said, 'Hide?'
He said, 'Yes, that's what goatskin is.'
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︎ Aug 29 2018
This rooster was chasing a hen, clearly meaning business. But as it passed the kitchen grandma was throwing out some breadcrumbs and so it suddenly lost interest and started pecking away.
Upon which grandpa said, "Son, pray for me, that I never get that hungry!"
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︎ Jun 16 2019
So, I was in a coffee shop drinking tea, and when I reached down to tie my shoe, my tea was gone!
I saw this guy with the same cup as me and chased him down the street. Finally caught up with him and realized...thatβs not my cup of tea
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︎ Dec 08 2020
I was recently chased by ISIS when i went to the Middle East
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︎ May 18 2019
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nuts?
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︎ Nov 26 2017
When the police were chasing me I only just got away by firing myself out of a bow...
I tell you, it was a narrow escape.
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︎ Aug 02 2016
The police came to my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes
My dogs don't even have bikes
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︎ Oct 15 2016
A thief was being chased by the cops for over a decade..
Finally, he was given arrest.
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︎ Jan 29 2019
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
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︎ Aug 11 2020
What did the nut say when chasing the other nut?
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︎ Mar 24 2019
What did one nut say when chasing the other nut?
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︎ Jan 01 2020
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
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︎ Nov 15 2019
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
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︎ Oct 16 2018
What did the nut said while chasing the other nut?
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︎ May 28 2019
What did the nut say when he was chasing the other nut?
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︎ Jan 06 2019
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
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︎ Nov 21 2017
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut
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︎ Jun 27 2019
What did the nut say to another nut that it was chasing?
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︎ May 26 2019
What did one nut say while chasing the other?
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︎ May 21 2019
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
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︎ Apr 18 2019
A man chased me down the street yesterday trying to rob me...
...he gave me a run for my money
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︎ Mar 22 2019
While chasing the other peanut
He said βIβm going to cashew.β
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︎ May 28 2019
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
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︎ May 31 2018
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