You hear about the dog who liked to chase cars?
My girlfriend gets triggered when I get up and chase the birds away from our backyard every morning.
She says it’s my crow aggression.
My wife and kids laughed when they saw me chase a penny which rolled down the drain.
They were having fun at my ex pence.
My wife gets really upset when I get up every morning and chase the birds from the bird feeder.
She calls it my crow aggression.
What does a dog say when it chases a squirrel up to the tree?
A Nissan leaf was involved in a police chase that ended with the driver running out of charge
He was released without charge
Tom only chases the most suitable mouse.
I guess that is Jerry picking.
My dog used to chase people on bikes all the time.
It got so bad I had to take his bikes away.
Somehow, we got on the topic of Chevy Chase's filmography
Coworker: "Didn't Fletch have that chase scene in it?"
Me: "I'd say it had a lot of Chase scenes."
I received a new personal record for eye rolls per single joke.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
A cop was chasing the thief
He said, STOP ! You need Arrest.
What did one nut say while chasing the other nut?
I was walking down the street after leaving the pharmacy and noticed a casket was chasing me. Well all I had was a bottle off cough syrup so I threw it at the casket...
...and then the coffin stopped.
My dog happily chased a fly around the house, eventually nabbing it in one chomp.
I guess it's true: time's fun when you're having flies!
The other night, I had a dream about being chased by an armored horse.
My 2 yo daughter doesn’t like to go to sleep.
Some nights I feel like a cop chasing a robber trying to catch her so I can put her to sleep, as she “steels” away in various rooms of the house...
You could say she’s “evading a-rest”...
Chaos, subterfuge, and conflict ensued as a giant primate chased everyone off the pier, declaring it his own and invoking his title.
I saw the police chasing a guy down the street, who'd just stolen an inexpensive board game......
It was a real trivial pursuit
What a strange morning. First I find a hat full of money in the street and then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
What did the nut say when he was chasing the other nut? 🥜
“I’m going to cashew!!”
my dad actually sent this in the family group chat, had to share even if it’s an old joke
A man chased me down the street yesterday trying to rob me...
...He gave me a run for my money.
On the news this morning, they reported about a mountain biker who was chased by a Grizzly.
Yesterday me and my friend were chasing on discord,then someone in the server posted a slightly dirty meme. So my friend said "Improvise. Adapt. Overcum" which fits the meme well.. so I said "Cumon, you beat meato tits"
One time my cat chased down a drone and brought it to me. The drone's owner accused me of theft. In my defense, I said it wasn't stolen...
Did you hear about the man who chased after cars?
My friend phoned me. 'I just stole some goatskin,' he said breathlessly, 'and now the police are chasing me. What should I do?'
I said, 'Hide?'
He said, 'Yes, that's what goatskin is.'
This rooster was chasing a hen, clearly meaning business. But as it passed the kitchen grandma was throwing out some breadcrumbs and so it suddenly lost interest and started pecking away.
Upon which grandpa said, "Son, pray for me, that I never get that hungry!"
Itsy Bitsy Spider — Dad version
Use this nursery rhyme to play "scary/gross monster" with your tyke:
"The itsy bitsy spider climbed into Mia's mouth
Down to her ears and crawling in and out!
Out through her nose and tickled with her legs,
She made Mia sneeze her brains to scrambled eggs!
achoo splat bleah"
Substitute $name for Mia.
Spider hand chases while Dad reclines on bed. Tyke busily baits and counterattacks.
I dunno whether this qualifies as a Dad joke, but my wife hated it until she saw how much my daughter liked it. I feel like that fits the spirit of Dadness. For maximum results, send your wife the poem first.
I was recently chased by ISIS when i went to the Middle East
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nuts?
When the police were chasing me I only just got away by firing myself out of a bow...
I tell you, it was a narrow escape.
So, I was in a coffee shop drinking tea, and when I reached down to tie my shoe, my tea was gone!
I saw this guy with the same cup as me and chased him down the street. Finally caught up with him and realized...that’s not my cup of tea
The police came to my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes
My dogs don't even have bikes
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
What did the nut say when chasing the other nut?
What did one nut say when chasing the other nut?
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
What did the nut said while chasing the other nut?
What did the nut say when he was chasing the other nut?
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut
What did the nut say to another nut that it was chasing?
What did one nut say while chasing the other?
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
A man chased me down the street yesterday trying to rob me...
...he gave me a run for my money
While chasing the other peanut
He said “I’m going to cashew.”
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