I was going to tell you a time traveling joke
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︎ Feb 18 2021
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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︎ Jun 24 2020
Did I tell you about the time I ran into a pony at a bar?
He didn't say much though β he was a little horse.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Every time I ask my son what a new phrase means, he tells me to google it.
Kids these days have a lot of slang for a killer clown movie.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Dad Tells Time With His Hat
My dad worked in construction for most of his life, and because he worked with his hands, he sacrificed many watches. But if you don't have a watch, how are you to tell time? My dad has a great sense of humor and is always thinking of new ways to do things to make them more practical or thinking of ways to change things to make them work better for him. So after spending way too much money on a heavy duty watch that inevitably broke on him, he came up with a better solution.
He used the working part of a clock and stuck it on the inside rim of his hat, so if he wanted to know what the time was, he just had to look up. Simple. And the way his hat was, you couldn't see the clock when looking at him unless you were underneath him and looking up.
And then came the funny part. Every time he was asked what time it was, he would look up at the sun, scan the horizon, pretend to do a math equation in his head, and tell them the exact time down to the minute. I've witnessed him doing this a few times but never gave it away. The look of surprise and confusion this gave people was priceless.
My dad had done other funny things like this, but this was by far the funniest.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
My Dad: Can you tell me a sensible sentence that uses the word 'because', three times, consecutively?
Me: Not today, Dad.
My Dad: Give up. Let me tell you in his glorious beaming pride face
I use because, because, because is a conjunction.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
How do communists tell time?
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︎ Aug 14 2020
How does a millennial learn to tell the time?
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︎ Oct 23 2020
What do you call a clock that can't tell time ??
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︎ Sep 20 2020
Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Did I ever tell you about the time an elephant sat on me?
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︎ Jul 16 2020
I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it
I think aisle tell it later
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︎ May 19 2020
Did I tell you about the time when I got attacked by 6 dwarves?
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︎ May 22 2020
How many times did the Spanish teacher have to tell her class how to say eleven?
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Started to learn to tell time on a analog clock last week. So far I can only tell when itβs 6:30
But I got that one hands down.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
What kind of bed time stories does the big bad wolf tell his kids?
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︎ Jun 05 2020
Why don't Werewolves tell you the time?
Because they aren't Whenwolves.
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︎ Mar 18 2020
My grandfather has a funny story he likes to tell people about how a long time ago he swallowed his wedding ring and then it came out 10 years later. I've heard him tell it many times over the years.
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︎ Jun 27 2019
Been trying to teach my kid how to tell the time
But we just keep going round and round in circles
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︎ Mar 05 2020
What's the worst time to tell a dad joke?
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︎ Feb 13 2020
Every time we go over a railroad crossing, I tell my kids...
βHey, a train just went by!"
βHow do you know daddy?β
βBecause its tracks are still here!β
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︎ Jul 03 2017
If you ask communists for the time, they'll never tell you the exact minute.
If you ask why they'll say: "It's all hours"
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︎ Nov 06 2019
Every time someone leaves and tells me they're gonna go jump in the shower I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
Whatβs a communists favourite way to tell the time?
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︎ Oct 13 2019
Every time I tell a dad joke people give me that βoh godβ look thinking itβll make me stop
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︎ Sep 23 2019
Why can't werewolves tell time
Because they are not when wolves
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︎ Nov 25 2018
I was going to tell a time traveling joke
But you guys didn't like it.
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︎ Feb 17 2021
I was going to tell a time traveling joke...
But you didnβt like it.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I was going to tell a time traveling joke...
But you guys didnβt like it
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke......
....but you guys didn't like it.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke.
But you guys didn't like it!
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︎ Oct 28 2020
I was going to tell you a time traveling joke
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︎ Sep 18 2020
I was gonna tell a time-traveling joke.
But you guys didnβt like it.
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︎ Oct 03 2020
I was going to tell a time travelling joke
But you guys didn't like it.
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︎ Aug 05 2020
I was about to tell a time traveling joke
but you guys didnβt like it
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︎ Aug 08 2020
I would tell a time travel joke,
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︎ May 13 2020
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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︎ Aug 22 2019
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke.
but you guys didn't like it.
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︎ Sep 03 2020
I was gonna tell you guys a time traveling joke,
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︎ Apr 20 2020
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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︎ May 03 2020
I was gonna tell a time travelling joke
But you guys didnt like it
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︎ Dec 30 2019
I was gonna tell you guys a time traveling joke...
But you guys didnβt like it.
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︎ Dec 14 2019
Does your watch tell the time?
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︎ Dec 28 2019
You know what happens every time I tell Dad Jokes?
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︎ Nov 01 2018
Some times I like to tell dad jokes... he enjoys them
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︎ Jun 17 2019
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