I was going to tell you a time traveling joke

But you didn't like it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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Did I tell you about the time I ran into a pony at a bar?

He didn't say much though β€” he was a little horse.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Every time I ask my son what a new phrase means, he tells me to google it.

Kids these days have a lot of slang for a killer clown movie.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J3fbr0nd0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Dad Tells Time With His Hat

My dad worked in construction for most of his life, and because he worked with his hands, he sacrificed many watches. But if you don't have a watch, how are you to tell time? My dad has a great sense of humor and is always thinking of new ways to do things to make them more practical or thinking of ways to change things to make them work better for him. So after spending way too much money on a heavy duty watch that inevitably broke on him, he came up with a better solution.

He used the working part of a clock and stuck it on the inside rim of his hat, so if he wanted to know what the time was, he just had to look up. Simple. And the way his hat was, you couldn't see the clock when looking at him unless you were underneath him and looking up.

And then came the funny part. Every time he was asked what time it was, he would look up at the sun, scan the horizon, pretend to do a math equation in his head, and tell them the exact time down to the minute. I've witnessed him doing this a few times but never gave it away. The look of surprise and confusion this gave people was priceless.

My dad had done other funny things like this, but this was by far the funniest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredzred
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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My Dad: Can you tell me a sensible sentence that uses the word 'because', three times, consecutively?

Me: Not today, Dad.

My Dad: Give up. Let me tell you in his glorious beaming pride face

I use because, because, because is a conjunction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yours_petpeeve
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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How do communists tell time?

An hourglass.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ash_con
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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How does a millennial learn to tell the time?

With TikTok.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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What do you call a clock that can't tell time ??

Coo Coo !!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?

It left it's tracks!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Did I ever tell you about the time an elephant sat on me?

I was impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myusernameisfish
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it

I think aisle tell it later

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Did I tell you about the time when I got attacked by 6 dwarves?

Not happy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/insanefoot
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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How many times did the Spanish teacher have to tell her class how to say eleven?

Once

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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Started to learn to tell time on a analog clock last week. So far I can only tell when it’s 6:30

But I got that one hands down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TongueBandit69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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What kind of bed time stories does the big bad wolf tell his kids?

Hairy Tails!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaphpath
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Why don't Werewolves tell you the time?

Because they aren't Whenwolves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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My grandfather has a funny story he likes to tell people about how a long time ago he swallowed his wedding ring and then it came out 10 years later. I've heard him tell it many times over the years.

It's old butt gold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyebyecycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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Been trying to teach my kid how to tell the time

But we just keep going round and round in circles

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daniielrp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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What's the worst time to tell a dad joke?

Son day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IgnoranceIsAVirus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Every time we go over a railroad crossing, I tell my kids...

β€œHey, a train just went by!"

β€œHow do you know daddy?”

β€œBecause its tracks are still here!”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
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If you ask communists for the time, they'll never tell you the exact minute.

If you ask why they'll say: "It's all hours"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonPupps
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Every time someone leaves and tells me they're gonna go jump in the shower I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

I always stand.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneUpWill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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What’s a communists favourite way to tell the time?

An our-glass

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/despaC-3PO
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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Every time I tell a dad joke people give me that β€œoh god” look thinking it’ll make me stop

But eye roll with it

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PepeSilvia267
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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Why can't werewolves tell time

Because they are not when wolves

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danspud69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell a time traveling joke

But you guys didn't like it.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crowshatemusic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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I was going to tell a time traveling joke...

But you didn’t like it.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VikingLord17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I was going to tell a time traveling joke...

But you guys didn’t like it

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I was going to tell a time-traveling joke......

....but you guys didn't like it.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJBlue18
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I was going to tell a time-traveling joke.

But you guys didn't like it!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkumbagKira
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell you a time traveling joke

But you didn't like it

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell a time-traveling joke.

But you guys didn’t like it.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell a time travelling joke

But you guys didn't like it.

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessCuteButt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I was about to tell a time traveling joke

but you guys didn’t like it

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theereelest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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I would tell a time travel joke,

but you didn't like it.

πŸ‘︎ 349
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke.

but you guys didn't like it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell you guys a time traveling joke,

but you didn't like it.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell a time travelling joke

But you guys didnt like it

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CChiief
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell you guys a time traveling joke...

But you guys didn’t like it.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/realswagmb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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Does your watch tell the time?

No, I have to look at it

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natearnoldfdhs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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You know what happens every time I tell Dad Jokes?

He laughs.

πŸ‘︎ 141
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grant_leslie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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Some times I like to tell dad jokes... he enjoys them
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdanielsen5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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