My teammates hate that I don’t pass when I play hockey.

I honestly don’t give a puck.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Civilian76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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My teammates called me a cheater in a game recently and I was like:

I'm no cheetah, you're lion

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NGBNM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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What did the Italian footballer say to his teammate?

Pas-ta ball

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsHR2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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Why did the old school french-spanish gamer refuse to abandon his teammate?

Because he was all about the con ami code

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnCaptainBlue
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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My football teammate asked me, β€œOn a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”

I gave him a high five.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Dad joked my fellow soccer teammates.

I play indoor soccer with a group of guys every Thursday night at the local church. We play for fun so we have some ground rules so it doesn't get too aggressive. One of the guys went for a slide and scored a goal everyone was quite upset at this knowing we had already established that sliding, especially indoor, was not allowed. While everyone was arguing whether the goal counted or not I responded with, " I think we can let that one slide." Collective groan from many, many others allowed it.

πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewhatnowyousay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
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So I'm playing DotA when four enemies go into the mid lane and my teammate calls out "four mid"

I replied "Yeah, they're looking pretty fourmidable."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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World Cup Soccer goalies are far more handsome than their teammates.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quentinnnnnnnnn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2014
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Dad joked a teammate

Teammate: (Finds grape under chair) Hey, what were you doing down there?

Me: Looks like he was having a grape time and you just raisined it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
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dadjoked a teammate today

Yesterday while picking out jerseys for an upcoming basketball game a friend of mine grabbed the number 12 jersey. Him: "I'm always #12 man, always" Me:"I was 12 once, but that was years ago..."

Was ignored

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magikarpinmypants
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
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The card game

A few years ago, was playing a card game with my frisbee team. We were competing in a frisbee tournament for spring break, and we had discs lying all around the Airbnb we were sleeping in. After playing the first few hands, I realized I didn't know what to do with my old cards.

I asked my teammate where I should put my used up cards. They pointed to some cards lying in a frisbee.

It was a disc card, discard pile.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phaesporic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Am I accepted into med school now?

I was going to a fencing tournament with my teammates. In our hotel the night before, while unpacking, one of my teammates hit her head on a lamp. Rushing over I asked her if she was ok, or if she was feeling light-headed.

(Don't worry, she was perfectly ok)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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There's a detective named Frederick Lee...

His teammate is an anthropomorphic pig who wore a hood like little red riding hood. The pig’s name was Boar-Hood. So this one time, I wanted them to check out a masked menace in New York City. Fred wanted to lead the investigation. But since the criminal’s mask was animal themed, I said to them, β€œFred Lee: nay. Boar-hood: spy the man”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megadecimal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucaewings27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
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Why is the Barcelona goal keeper always cleaning up?

Because his teammate is a little Messi

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Beautiful dad joke delivery on Australian national TV last night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSf00ewCiko&feature=youtu.be&t=180

Includes all the important aspects of a good dad joke:

  • Innocent setup by unsuspecting teammate
  • Perfect delivery of terrible dad joke
  • High five from another shameless dad nearby
  • Look of severe disapproval from contest judge who can't believe you just did that in front of your entire country
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/p-hodge
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Need help finding a skin related team name.

Hi my school is having a competition related to skin. My teammates and I are looking for a clever skin related term. Reddit's the holy grail of puns so I figured I could find something here. It dirty or clean it doesn't matter there are no rules. EDIT: We had the competition today, and as I replied down lower my team wanted the name, "Myoclonic Jerks." Wasn't skin related, but they liked it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShonkaMan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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A guy I know tore his ACL and this is how he told everyone on Facebook

While this news undoubtedly sucks, I'm trying to take it in stride and em-brace it nonetheless! The recovery will give me the opportunitknee to improve my skills as a sideline player and some extra downtime to expand my abilities in programming and graphic design. I plan to continue at-tendon practices and other events as normal though! So many teammates, past and present, have already been incredibly supportive and reached out to help me; its certainly been a joint effort, and I can't thank you all enough for that. In hindsight, I wouldn't change akneething about attending USA U24 tryouts as tenacity, perserverance, and sacrifice are often the names of the game in pursuit of distant dreams. Ultimately, I guess some things are just liga-meant to be!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
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Dad would've been proud.

At the end of practice, my coach brought us in for the closing huddle. Someone mentioned it was my teammate's birthday today and it was another teammate's birthday the day before. Coach says, "Jeez, how often do you guys have birthdays?" I reply, "Well, Coach, I get mine about once a year."

πŸ‘︎ 224
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πŸ‘€︎ u/highlander24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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I was destined for dad jokes at a young age.

While in basketball during 7th grade, one of my teammates lost one of his contact lenses while going for a layup. Without missing a beat, 7th grade me says, "Wow, I guess this really is a contact sport!" My dad was so proud when I told him about it later.

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanmcdaddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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My coach had a dad joke.

One of my teammates wanted his attention, but had been ignored so far. Then, I witnessed this gold.

Friend: Coach, Coach! Ey!

Coach: B!

Everyone groaned while my coach giggled like a school girl.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ May 22 2014
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The Dad of my uni's Dodgeball club was on fire this weekend.

To clarify, he (we shall call him Greg) is not really a dad but with all the jokes he makes, he'd be a brilliant one. Here are a few that I can remember him making:

  1. Our uni's team was set to play Surrey's team, but there were no where to be seen. One of the referees came up to me and George and said, "Surrey haven't shown up yet and the game's meant to start soon. Any idea where they are?" Greg replied with, "No, Surrey, haven't seen them." The ref and me both shook our heads laughing.
  2. At the team meal Sunday night, a mushroom was thrown at another teammate. He said, "Look at you, tryna be a fungi!" Greg followed on with, "I didn't think there was mushroom for that joke."
  3. During the walk home, Greg walked on ahead while 3 of us dawdled. When we caught up with him, he pointed at a wheelie bin and asked, "Where have you guys bin?" then pointed at the wheels and asked, "No, wheelie, where have you bin?" He had countless others but these 3 are the ones that stuck out.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GavinRidley
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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Got dad joked by my dad

I was explaining to my dad how I won a match in a pool tournament the night before...

I had to play against the best player in the house but he had hurt his back earlier that day so he couldn't even walk straight. He won the opening lag to earn the right to break. I jokingly asked him "are you sure you want to break with that back injury?" He broke anyways and didn't make anything. My teammate and I proceeded to run the whole table, including the eight ball, to win the game as underdogs. Afterward my teammate said to the pro, "Hey, didn't /u/DetroitLarry warn you not to break?" At which point my dad interrupts my story to say...

"Now that's just adding insult to injury!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DetroitLarry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
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Seeing Double

This is actually a two-in-one deal as both my step dad and dad were involved with the joke. My family and I were watching my sister's basketball game and one of her teammates hit her head on the court.

Stepdad: "She looks disoriented I guess she's seeing double."

Dad: "So every basket should count as 4 points."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solachi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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