Armstrong Puns

ALDRIN: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.

Now his name is Kneel Armstrong

He was pedaling too.

And from the pictures I saw, his suit does seem like it has a lot of space inside

They both REALLY wanted to finish the race.

I guess you had to be there.

He wanted to go where no man had gone before.

(My dad dropped this one out of nowhere over coffee this morning.)

He told us to wake him up when September ends.

It's because he woks alone.

Because he was being astronaughty

My daughter new from the opener this was one of my made up cringmiesters.

It has only one ball.

The joke usually starts like this:

"hey..."

"yeah?"

"so uh... you know who neil armstrong is?(was)"

"......yeah?"

"....who was he?"

"uh... wasn't he the first man on the moon?"

"yep. Did you know he didn't take his wife with him when he went to the moon?"

"Um... I guess?"

"Do you know why?"

"....no...?"

"Because he ASKED HER NOT!!"

(astronaut) :|

Neil before me

Now I call the other one Highlander

I’ve since changed the name to:

“Lance Armstrong’s Testes”

The shuttle was low on fuel, so Armstrong has to take manual control of it to find them a safer place to land, landing 4 miles away from where they intended to.

The scientists behind it were very Apollo-getic.

Someone wake me up when September ends

So I have a buddy that works out around the same times as my dad during the week. When this guy works out he always has a superhero under armor shirt on, usually spiderman it something similar. My dad asked what hero he is today, he replied "I'm Thor". To which my dad said "well maybe if you thretched more you wouldn't be tho Thor!"

• What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

• If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

• Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

• Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

• I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

• Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

• I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

• How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

• Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

• I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

• Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

• I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

• Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

• Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

• Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

• When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

• I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

• Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

• Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

• I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

• Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

• Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

• Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

• Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

• I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

• Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

• So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

• When you get an infection, urine trouble.

• "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

• How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

• Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

• Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

• What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

After exclaiming how nice and new it all looked, I began to sing in my best Louis Armstrong voice: "...I think to myself, what a wonderful Word."

Youtuber: "So Billie Joe are you going back to Russia?"

Billie Joe Armstrong: "I'm going back to Russia, for sure."

Youtuber: "When is the next album?"

B.J.A: "I don't know. I have a few songs but I don't wanna Russian!"

... I told her "Ask Lance Armstrong."

What do you call endless love?

Louis Armstrong and Miles Davis playing tennis.