ARMSTRONG: I can’t find the milk for my coffee.

ALDRIN: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Nil Armstrong surrendered

Now his name is Kneel Armstrong

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OshriM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Turns out that Lance Armstrong was not only taking drugs...

He was pedaling too.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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I hear that Neil Armstrong was very comfortable when he landed on the Moon.

And from the pictures I saw, his suit does seem like it has a lot of space inside

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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What do Hitler and Lance Armstrong have in common?

They both REALLY wanted to finish the race.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IlayShenbrun
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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I've heard that Neil Armstrong used to tell really boring jokes about the moon that nobody understood.

I guess you had to be there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MazzukaMy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?

He wanted to go where no man had gone before.

(My dad dropped this one out of nowhere over coffee this morning.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Somebody wake up Billie Joe Armstrong

He told us to wake him up when September ends.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piratecheese13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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Lance Armstrong wasn't here. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Why didn't Billie Joe Armstrong use any assistants when he was on a cooking show?

It's because he woks alone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aexicas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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LTR:FTP Why did Neil Armstrong's son get sent home from school...

Because he was being astronaughty

My daughter new from the opener this was one of my made up cringmiesters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RanSingh2019
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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My foot is like Lance Armstrong...

It has only one ball.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PicklePillz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
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My dad's go-to joke: "Why didn't Neil Armstrong's wife go with him to the moon?"

The joke usually starts like this:

"hey..."

"yeah?"

"so uh... you know who neil armstrong is?(was)"

"......yeah?"

"....who was he?"

"uh... wasn't he the first man on the moon?"

"yep. Did you know he didn't take his wife with him when he went to the moon?"

"Um... I guess?"

"Do you know why?"

"....no...?"

"Because he ASKED HER NOT!!"

(astronaut) :|

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveLinger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2013
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What's Lance Armstrong's pen name?

Uniball

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrozoTheClown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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Did you know that Apollo 11 landed in the wrong place?

The shuttle was low on fuel, so Armstrong has to take manual control of it to find them a safer place to land, landing 4 miles away from where they intended to.

The scientists behind it were very Apollo-getic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiderFlash-1273
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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Well I'm going to bed

Someone wake me up when September ends

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πŸ‘€︎ u/subzeroab0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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So my dad came up with this one at the gym yesterday

So I have a buddy that works out around the same times as my dad during the week. When this guy works out he always has a superhero under armor shirt on, usually spiderman it something similar. My dad asked what hero he is today, he replied "I'm Thor". To which my dad said "well maybe if you thretched more you wouldn't be tho Thor!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolol69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2014
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My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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I just installed a new version of Microsoft Office on my mums computer

After exclaiming how nice and new it all looked, I began to sing in my best Louis Armstrong voice: "...I think to myself, what a wonderful Word."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zokoro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
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Country Pun

Youtuber: "So Billie Joe are you going back to Russia?"

Billie Joe Armstrong: "I'm going back to Russia, for sure."

Youtuber: "When is the next album?"

B.J.A: "I don't know. I have a few songs but I don't wanna Russian!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmonkey95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2015
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While watching football, the announcer mentioned the team averaged 6-1/2 sacks a game. My wife says "How do you get half a sack?"...

... I told her "Ask Lance Armstrong."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeatherDan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
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Waiter told me this one last night...

What do you call endless love?

Louis Armstrong and Miles Davis playing tennis.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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