Did you hear about the villain who was charged with trying to flood the city?

He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phryggian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Why is a box of Jello mix always substantially larger than the contents within?

You need to allow some wiggle room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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This sub is disappointing me lately.

I'm going to try the meatball next time.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wezzley_Snipes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2016
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Dad–joked my son walking into the bathroom today.

We are at his martial arts competition and saw a sign on the bathroom before we walked in: Please Do Not Walk Bearfoot in the Bathroom

Without missing a beat, I looked at him and said, "I guess it's a good thing we have people feet." There was a substantial groan.

Pic of the sign in the comments. Edit: never mind, it won't let me post the picture.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElkanahLinnell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2015
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My dad this morning.

My mother was complaining to my little sister about using her bathroom. The other bathroom is substantially smaller, so when my little sister got out of the bathroom she said "Sorry I don't want to be, like, claustrophobic." so my dad said "Who's claustrophobic? A friend of yours?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aeonws
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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Dad-joked about hearing loss today

I found out yesterday that I have nerve damage in my right ear, and have lost a substantial amount of my hearing in that ear. I was discussing it with my father over lunch when I told him "Well, its a shame that now I can't hear RIGHT!"

I was probably more proud of myself than I should have been.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mytacosaremine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2014
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My dads all time favorite

Whenever we're going somewhere that requires a substantial amount of driving time (at least two hours) my family stops at a McDonalds or something for food. My dad will always order a coffee and be a little unclear about his order so the server will have to ask if he wants sugar in his coffee to which he will reply "no thanks, I'm sweet enough".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Admiral_Thrashbar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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