I said, "It's meteorite."
She said, "Thanks for clarifying your location."
Me: The bourgeoisie.
There, their, they’re…
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TOOTH!
(I actually told this to my dentist yesterday, as a joke of course)
get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
Don't worry! You conduit!
And then it struck me.
To comfort him, I replied with: "There, their, they're."
...yes, I was really strapped for cash back then.
Flat Earthers. Social distancing is really putting them over the edge
When she got back, I asked how warm it is. She replied back with "Luke warm". And that is how earl gray got his name. (Not sure if this one is a dad joke)
He's inconsolable.
She refused to pick up her pace because she was anti-lope.
but they really turned it around with the 360.
I guess they can't elope
“Why don’t you help me with the laundry? Its whites today.” She said.
“How will that help?” I asked.
“Well I hear whitewashing is good for revising history.”
That is, at least not long enough to learn any of the many, many important things a frog needs to learn in order to be a frog.
You see, a frog needs to be super slick in order to get by. A frog without proper skills, well, he may as well be a toad.
Anyways, every time Mama Frog went about trying to teach Little Hop something, he would just bounce.. and bounce.. and bounce..
And every time Mama Frog had reached her limit of patience, right before giving up, she’d say to Little Hop, “If you keep on keepin’ on hoppin around all aimless, I’m gonna turn you into a toad!”
Which, upon hearing, Little Hop would stop his hop and settle. You see, he knew well enough that he wanted no part of being a toad.
Well, on one particular day, during one such lesson, Little Hop had taken again to bouncing here, and bouncing there - and just about everywhere besides a place he could listen! And on this same particular day, Mama Frog’s patience was worn real, real, thin, you see, and she got sudden filled with a terrible frustration.
And just like a firecracker went off, in a sudden snap, Mama Frog turned Little Hop straight into a toad!
And when it was done, Mama Frog looked at him direct, shook her head, and said..
“I toad you so.”
He said, “I’ve told you a million times, money doesn’t glow on Tees.”
I just can't figure it out.
They just lost their Focus
He replied, “Dammit! Some asshole’s got my pen!”
So I simply sat down and looked comfortable, that did the trick
It was a site for sore eyes
CoVid’19 for short
A cyclist is struggling up a long steep hill on his bike, when he is met by a good Samaritan in a car. The guy offers him a long rope to tow him up the hill and the cyclist gratefully accepts. By the time they get to the top of the hill, the guy driving forgets he is towing the cyclist and heads on to the highway, with the poor cyclist ringing his bell in vain. In the meantime, a couple see them drive past their car on the highway and the wife turns to her husband:
"Wow, that car's going pretty fast, isn't it?" The husband replies, "the car?! Look at the cyclist behind him! He's going so fast he's ringing the bell to get the car to move out of the way!"
I hope it won’t be a John Dough forever.
The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.
Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.
As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."
As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".
Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.
"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?" "Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"
It's not really a growing market.
But it was an oar deal.
I’m now really regretting having put it on.
We concurred and divided.
Because he was Basmatic.
My wife hates this joke, so I make sure to tell it as much as I can.
I try to be supportive and say “write on, brother” every time I see him.
He was struggling with crack-croakain
It was surreal.
He was talking to his wife about it and his wife admonished him, saying "It's all that sitting around you do!". After some thought, the man took to the internet and posted all the seats in the house for sale on craigslist and similar sites. He posted the loveseat, the couch, their barstools, everything. It all sold pretty quickly, and once the last piece was gone, he proudly showed his wife what he'd done. Upset and dismayed at what he'd done, she turned to him tearfully and asked, "Did you find your inner peace now?!" He smiled and cupped her face in his hands, looking her in the eyes, and said,
"Hon, I've got not a chair in the world!"
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
but they really turned it around with the 360.
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up as they open it.
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it
Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
So I simply just sat down and looked comfortable.
That did the trick.
