“Officer, the sign clearly says to ‘pet area.’”
Three nuns were praying on a park bench when a man walks up and flashes them.
1st nun had a stroke, the 2nd nun also had a stroke.
The 3rd one was too slow!
Mostly golf strokes, swimming strokes, tennis strokes etc.
It was a real stroke of genius
...that some people claimed it left him speechless.
Only trouble is, every time my wife strokes it, I stick my ass in the air.
The third one couldn’t, her arms were too short.
An irrelephant.
The other couldn’t reach.
"The ambulance", he says.
He goes around telling people he’s a self stroking Dick. True story.
I told them, "It's Different Strokes for Different Folks."
He’s alright now
I live on the edge of a golf course, and someone’s golf ball landed in our yard, so I grabbed it, ran over to the fairway before they got there and tossed it on. I saved them a penalty stroke!
"Don't worry, sir," reassured the dispatcher. "Emergency services are on their way. Just try to remain calm and stay with her until they arrive."
"How long will the ambulance be?" the man asked.
"About eighteen feet," replied the dispatcher.
So today my dad had a stroke and while we were waiting for doctors to come back he grabbed all the cords to the ekg cords connected to him and said, "I feel like I'm behind the TV!"
My dad always makes jokes in time of panic and pain. I guess that's where I get it from.
Little Seizures
She'll be alright
The dog comes back with 50 sheep. The farmers says, "we only have 48 sheep." The dog replies, "Yea, I told you I was going to round them up."
A woman calls her husband's doctor. "Did you really tell my husband he could masturbate whenever he wanted?"
"No ma'am, I told him he could have a stroke at any time."
The less strokes you have, the better.
Edit* “What does life and golf have in common” not “...and in common”
All his mini strokes put him above par.
...I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.
I found that statement to be one-sided
One's a curfew
The other's a fur queue
I mean, that's how he died..
I told him “actually that was a stroke”
..She's recovering from a massive stroke.
Stroke its head.
If he wags his tail, it's male.
If she wags her tail, it's female.
Because they're lack toes intolerant.
Why don’t mountains get a sun stroke? Because they always have snow caps on
One has claws at the end of its paws, one is a pause at the end of a clause
then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil
It was a stroke of genius!
He would never golf again.
To which I responded "Poor Michael Phelps". She said, "Why". "All those strokes" I replied with a huge grin.
Something different happened this time...instead of "UGGGGHHHHH" she snorted, laughed uncontrollably, and said "well I walked right only that..."
A stroke of genius.
