Regular workers must wear small face shields, while Managers get to use the super-visors.
Screwtiny
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
I only perform on the Queen Mary.
Due to social distancing and other issues I am not going to cut my hair or trim my beard for a time. How long? Furlough time.
You're in trouble the moment you cross the dadline
To minimize casual tees...
You can either be a Quaker, or a Quacker.
It was called Diffi cult.
Because they have to go by the books.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here.
He didn't know, so I told him, "It's to minimize casual tees."
I said: "Let me get this straight, my mother was never a small boy."
So if I lost it I’d be fearless.
My friend also wants a dog, but he’s going to call it spot.
He’s going to keep it strictly outdoors, that way his house will always be spotless.
Because they are strict no-fly zones.
So i (16M) like jokes. I told one to my (awesome dad joke enthusiast) music teacher that went something like.
him picking up a guitarr Me: why are you so sträng?
Sträng means guitarr string and also strict as in a strict teacher in Swedish.
He laughed a bit and said: "you are gonna make a great dad"
Thank you Pär, love ya buddy!
And sometimes a convo would go like this...
Dad: kids time for bed.
Us: but dad we-!
Dad: Hey you scaliwags! Don't say that dirty b word!
Use to annoy the living heck outta me but also make me giggle because it would make me think "butt dad" like a weird mental image.
Hey, since we (the new mods) joined the sub 1,5 months ago we've made some changes, mostly with the rules and some backend stuff. Now I also updated the icon (slightly) and the banner (on redesign and mobile), too.
What do you guys think about it?
Do you like it? ( Yes/No ). What could be improved about it?
Also, are you happy with how we're moderating the subreddit? Are we too strict with the rules or toulouse too loose? Do the rules even make sense?
We want to improve this subreddit and we need your feedback for that, so feel free to speak your mind!
You can either simply leave a comment down here in the thread or send us a message.
Looking forward to your feedback and have a nice day! :)
Well maybe if it wasn't forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident.
Apparently it was strictly for insurance porpoises.
Fsh.
- you can thank my daughter for this one, so is it strictly speaking a dad joke?
It always seems like they're plotting something
I know this isn't strictly a Dad joke, but I feel it is in the spirit of the thing. My dad is getting is getting his leg amputated in January. Essentially he has no cartilage in his ankle, and it causes him severe pain all the time. He has an amazing sense of humor, so I wanted to get him a gift basket of foot-based things. So far I have: -fruit by the foot -Happy Feet -Footloose -an Ihop gift card -pack of tube socks (since now he gets 2 for 1) -Bologna (because his amputation is below knee) -a card saying congrats on the weight loss -all put inside of a stocking
What other foot based pun items would you include in the gift basket?
We are strictly a Bing family.
So, before i get to the joke, you should all know that everyone in my class knows me for my shitty dad jokes and they hate me for it and today was probably the proudest moment of my life. So here's what happened.
Ecology teacher: does anyone know how to pronounce the name of this bird?
Me: willow ptarmigan (pronounced willow tarmigan. you see where this is going)
15 seconds later
Me: did you know that you can't hear willow ptarmigans go to the bathroom.
Confused classroom: what? Why?
Me: because the P is silent...
I hear the class slowly fill with groans and "oh my god"s followed by some guilty chuckles. And then, my teacher, who is about as strict and as hard to make laugh as they get, slowly sinks into her table and covers her face. And then she giggles. Just a little. This goes right up there for proudest moment of my life, next to saving a child from a burning building. Except I've never saved a child from a burning building...
Yard Art is strictly prohibited.
He's never gonna give you Up.
I was once staying at a hotel which had two lifts, one for the bottom half and one for the top. I was intrigued with the system and asked the manager about it, his response was a fairly terse one "no funny business here, take the lift like anyone else would" he said strictly.
During my stay I needed to get to the higher section of the building, leading me to use the top lift. However when I came to move it, it took quite the effort and persuasion to get it to shift. Once I'd fiddled around and pushed a few more buttons it slowly made it's way up.
It was at this point I realised the manager simply had a stiff upper lift.
Two falcons are passing through security, each carrying 3 dead squirrels. They weren't allowed to board, though - the airline had a strict limit of two carrions.
Dave is working at his job at the Time Travel Factory when his partner Bob comes back in his own time machine. "Come quick Dave!" he says "I just got back from the Middle Ages and have met a prince!" So Dave climbs into Bob's machine and they head to the Middle Ages.
They arrive at a castle and immediately meet the prince Bob was talking about. "Your Majesty" says Bob "Allow me to introduce my friend Dave. He works with me at the Time Traveling factory." As Dave bows, the Prince says "It is an honor to meet you my loyal subject. I am a Prince. My mother and father are Queen and King of this kingdom."
"It is even more of an honor to meet you, Your Highness" says Dave. "I have never met royalty before."
"It is indeed a rare honor for most subjects." said the prince. "Because of a strict guideline of pre-arranged marriage and inbreeding, there are only a small number of us around."
"Er...ok..." said Dave. "So tell me Prince, how vast is your kingdom."
"It is most large" said the Prince. "However my population has been dwindling lately. In recent months, I've had to behead a large number of my subjects. It fulfills my bloodlust and desire for authoritarian control by any means necessary."
Clearly uncomfortable, Dave turns to Bob and quietly says "I hate to say it, but this prince you've found is kind of a bummer."
Bob said to Dave "Well what did you expect, I told you. I have meta prince.
We were talking about how he had to have things a certain way to distract people so they wouldn't rise against him.
Her: "He was really strict about things being a certain way. He was an anal freak."
Me: "I believe that was his brother."
Commence the biggest eye-roll you've ever seen.
I was telling my dad about one of my high school friends. Her family was very strict, and very catholic. One of the few movies she was allowed to watch was Mary Poppins. My dad comes back with, "So her family was Super-Catholic-fragilisticexpealidocious?"
Then my stepmom and I stared in silence. He silently laughed to himself.
... The queen ant had had the ants organized into battalions specialized to collect specific items. So the sugar ants were to collect sugar, jaggery ants jaggery, cereal ants cereals, and so on. However, all were given a strict instruction - nobody was to take even a single pea from humans in any case. Why? The queen didn't want a peas-ant revolution happening.
The Russian nesting doll said "I've got so many more layers to me than you, honey."
Barbie didn't care though. It was a cheap shot, and as she pointed out, "At least I'm not hollow on the inside."
And Ken was laying her every damn night anyway, so the original statement wasn't strictly true.
So one day, a guy fruit sees a pretty girl fruit and decides to try and date her. It goes very well for a whole year, when the guy fruit decides to propose. Before he does this he asks for blessings from the girl fruit's family. The father strictly insists that she not get married and clearly wont change his mind. But the guy fruit is in love, so he decides to marry her anyway. He proposes and says to her they can run away together, to which she responds: "I'm sorry, but i cant-elope."
Hi,
I really like this subreddit, but a little too often, I see submissions of corny jokes that are spun as dad jokes. While these stories are humorous, I'm uncertain if this should be the place for them. Perhaps theres a better subreddit out there? I've done a little bit of research, and I haven't found anything too specific, but I'm curious to see what others think. There obviously isn't any strict rules to this subreddit, but I feel like some of the magic is gone when dad jokes are not told by dads. Thoughts?
I have a fairly strict rule about only speaking in Spanish in my class, especially when asking "¿Cómo se dice?" or "How do you say?" So, when a student asked me in English, "How do you say 'my birthday' in Spanish?" I responded:
"With my lungs, larynx, lips, tongue, and teeth."
The class blinked for two seconds before groaning in unison. She then asked the question, correctly, en español. But, I think I now understand why cats purr.
To minimize casual tees
To minimize casual tees
To minimise casual tees
