I don’t know why my wife criticized me for not stretching after exercising.
She knew I was already knotted up about it.
Just spent $300 on hiring a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver.
Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.
I sure hope Elon Musk doesn't get into a scandal.
Yeah. Elongate could stretch out forever.
There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.
Their next car is Elon gated.
To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch
"Cheer up, you could be a replacement stake in the ground for barbed wire to stretch upon," said one new joke to another.
"Yeah, I guess I could be a repost," said the other new joke.
what do you call a woman who can stretch her legs across a tennis court?
Mart Mc Fly traveling into the Star Wars universe be like,
Yoga bends. Yoga stretches. Yoga realizes he’s completely out of shape.
If a male owl's sibling adopts a baboon,
then owl be a monkey's uncle.
How does a Muslim close the door?
What does a 6'10" Irishman with a sunburn have in common with the star named Betelgeuse?
They're both red giants, and way bigger than my son(sun).
I tried Yoga for the first time...
I'd say I enjoyed it, but that would be a stretch.
A friend of mine was discouraged that they couldn't come up with dad jokes. I told them anyone can make dad jokes, you just have to stretch out the thought process a little father.
Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.
"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"
Doctor Doctor, I'm convinced I'm a rubber band.
Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch over there and tell me all about it.
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, "Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do." The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, "Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do." Only one man stood under that sign...
Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself."
The man shrugged and said, “My wife told me to stand here.”
My wife keeps insisting that I should warm up before I start exercising.
Sounds like a stretch to me.
Risky Dad Joke: My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
Bit of a stretch, but has potential if said differently...
"Do you know the alphabet?"
"No, I'm a beta."
"OMeGa"
I have a stretch limo tesla
What do you call a smart fart?
I was tuning a guitar. While doing this one of the stings snapped in half perfectly. I took one half and stretched It out. I managed to get it on. One problem though. As soon as I played it shot straight to the ceiling.
I’d never heard or seen such a high note.
Ive been going to this amazing socialist prenatal yoga center called Stretch Marx.
So a meeting stretched on for a bit too long, and the client said 'I wouldn't mind a light lunch'.'
So, i said, 'CFL, Incandescent or LED?'
Much groaning ensued amongst my colleagues. Client laughed a lot though.
I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy working with him.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
...are you testing its utensil strength?
After the husband refused to stretch his tender loins, his wife started placing his favorite dinner on the roof for him...
But the steaks were too high
I would tell you a pun about gymnasts, but...
It’s a bit of a stretch...
People always ask why I stretch while on Reddit.
I am a practitioner of Karma Yoga.
I wanted to tell a yoga joke.
But it was a bit of a stretch.
Have you heard the joke about yoga?
Never mind. It's a bit of a stretch.
Definitely a repost! maybe a bit of a stretch..... So Giraffes...
One of the dumbest animals out there.... Their heads are always in the clouds.
One of the most stubborn too.... Takes them forever to swallow their pride.
At the same time; the nicest! .....They'll stick their neck out for anyone.
My doctor asked if I’d considered whether yoga could help with my anxiety.
I said, “I think that’s a bit of a stretch”
The other day my yoga instructor was drunk
It put me in quite an awkward position
Call me a thermostat because only my dad's allowed to touch me
What do you call a yoga studio with Wahlberg, Zuckerberg and Hamill?
I started dating my yoga instructor.
Now we're friends with zenefits.
To avoid strain when thinking about working out involves a stretch of my imagination.
Where'd he keep the weasel
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idear.
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Still, no idear.
I know this joke might be a stretch, but I thought it was funny when my grandfather explained it.
A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.
He must be a part of some extreme mist group.
My uncle always jokes that reaching the remote is middle aged yoga.
I say, Yoga?! Pff, that’s a stretch.
What is the most important part of a stretch limo Tesla Model S
My Dad After Doing Some Stretches
Dad led face down on floor
Concerned Daughter: "Are you alright?"
Dad: "No, I'm half left."
Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.
Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...
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