Yoga pants.
Dad led face down on floor
Concerned Daughter: "Are you alright?"
Dad: "No, I'm half left."
It turned out to be a big Charade.
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward!
Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.
A length of freeway walked into a bar, and yelled out "I'm the meanest bit of road west of the Pesos, nobody wanna mess with me!"
Then some duplicated overpass walked into the bar. "Anybody think they're tough enough to take on this piece of transit infrastructure? Well, are ya?"
Finally a stretch of dual carriageway walked into the bar. "This bad boy is badder than all you weaklings, whaddya gonna do about it!"
As they were all glaring at each other in a Mexican standoff, some bicycle laneway walked into the bar, threw a chair out of the way and kicked over a table. "I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, baddest piece of asphalt there is! You're all soft snowflakes! Ain't anyone who has the guts to take me on!"
The first three roadways all immediately turned to the bar and started meekly sipping their drinks, trying to look inconspicuous. The bartender asked them "What's the matter, are you going to let him get away with that? Why don't you stand up to him?"
"We aren't going to mess with him", they replied, "He's a real cycle path".
Their next car is Elon gated.
Yeah. Elongate could stretch out forever.
Annette
"Yeah, I guess I could be a repost," said the other new joke.
She knew I was already knotted up about it.
Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself."
The man shrugged and said, “My wife told me to stand here.”
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"
Man, De Lorain
"Do you know the alphabet?"
"No, I'm a beta."
"OMeGa"
then owl be a monkey's uncle.
So, i said, 'CFL, Incandescent or LED?'
Much groaning ensued amongst my colleagues. Client laughed a lot though.
I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy working with him.
I’d never heard or seen such a high note.
...are you testing its utensil strength?
I'd say I enjoyed it, but that would be a stretch.
But the steaks were too high
Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch over there and tell me all about it.
They're both red giants, and way bigger than my son(sun).
I am a practitioner of Karma Yoga.
One of the dumbest animals out there.... Their heads are always in the clouds.
One of the most stubborn too.... Takes them forever to swallow their pride.
At the same time; the nicest! .....They'll stick their neck out for anyone.
Sounds like a stretch to me.
But it was a bit of a stretch.
It’s a bit of a stretch...
He must be a part of some extreme mist group.
It put me in quite an awkward position
Never mind. It's a bit of a stretch.
Now we're friends with zenefits.
Baaaaatery !
