You really want to stitch up your own wound??

fine, suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redylittle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2021
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I love lilo and stitch and puns so I made this
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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Why was Stitch obsessed with stealing everyone’s left shoe?

Because Jumba believed everyone should start the day off on the right foot

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seatheous
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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My latest cross stitch creations
πŸ‘︎ 834
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πŸ‘€︎ u/captaindjnoodles
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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What do you say when someone wants to stitch their own wound?

Suture self!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelkamote
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?

Me: No, thanks.

Nurse: Fine. Suture self...

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamSchrute25
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.

I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danno49
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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I told the doctor at the ER that I could do my own stitch work.

He replied β€œOkay, suture self”

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timismickis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
At the surgery this bloke told me "I don't trust you to stitch my wound" "

Suture self" I said

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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Stitch N Bitch
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UNLArchitect
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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So, you don’t trust a doctor to stitch you up?

Fine. Suture self.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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My friends dad is quite the stitch.

Talking to her dad about pumpkin cheesecake cookies

Friend: "They are here for a limited time only." Her dad: "Well yeah of course once you eat them they are gone."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Highest_Five
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."

The second doctor responds, "Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bruce_lees_ghost
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day I had a patient who didn’t want to let me stitch up his laceration. Well fine...

Suture self

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πŸ‘€︎ u/essjayhawk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My new punny cross stitch. imgur.com/5PZKIdz
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tara6jade
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2015
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A stitch in time

Out to lunch with a friend when he noticed a button was coming lose from his jacket.

Me: "you should learn how to sew, I've saved so much..."

Him: "so many"

Me: "yes, I do sew many clothes"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cactaur_jack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2014
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Officially a dad

My wife and I just had our first yesterday. My son was less than 10 minutes old when the doctor was doing some post delivery stitching for my wife.

My wife said: "how many stitches is it going to be?"

Doc: "we're not actually counting stitches with this, it's a running stitch"

Without missing a beat, I said "is it going after the fridge?"

There was very brief pause of activity in the room, and then soft chuckles and head shakes. Someone muttered "that's a good one". I feel like I've been inaugurated.

Edit: to everyone confused by this, I'll explain

Back when landlines were the main way of calling people, and cellphones and caller ID was rare (or non-existent), making crank calls was a.... common past-time.

One of the common ones was went like this:

Victim: "hello?"

Pranker: "hi, is your fridge running?"

Victim: "yes, why?"

Pranker: "well then you better go catch it!"

And then you hang up. So the joke here is that because it was a "running stitch" it was running to catch the fridge.

<ba-dum tsss>

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbstryker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked the emergency room Dr. that was taking stitches out of my index finger, will I be able to play the piano?

She said absolutely, I’m so excited I’ve never been able to

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1illiteratefool
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2021
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This left me in stitches...
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aimilah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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This card had me in stitches.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lak2158
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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I just competed in a tailoring competition.

It ended in a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Babygibbon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2021
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Today’s Argyle Sweater had me… in stitches.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDorkKnight53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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I told me my doctor I didn’t want her to give me stitches.

She said β€œfine, suture self.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/20ftScarf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I spent a solid month stitching together old wristwatches to make a belt

It was a waist of time...

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ixnayhombray
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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My sewing machine went to Hogwarts and was immediately picked to be Seeker.

Stitches get snitches.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ematio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2021
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What happens when Stevie Wonder tries to shave himself?

Stevie knicks

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2021
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I had myself in stitches thinking this pun up
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssbeatz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m really into stitching food puns now! πŸ˜πŸ•β˜ΊοΈ
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/needleynat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 278
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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My sister cross stitched this for me for Christmas.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/technologik14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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My friend writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter. Or sew it seams.

πŸ‘︎ 173
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatGreenGobbo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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The Betsy Ross stories about her sewing the first American flag might not be true

The story is likely a fabrication.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jzagri
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
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I invented an at home kit for giving yourself stitches.

I'm calling it Suture Self.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysticalTroll_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend always wears this jacket which has LED lights stitched onto the back.

He is such a LED-back person.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pabesh17
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment

We got our daughter a craft table for her 11th Birthday this past weekend. She also got the sewing machine too.

With gratitude, she smiles and says with a wink, β€œThat is sew cool”.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saitama254
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I was in A&E with a bad cut. I asked the nurse if I could do my own stitches. She said β€œsuture self”.
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Embroidery / Needlework Puns

Does anyone know any Embroidery puns or puns relating to stitching, needle, thread, hoops.?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooHabits2625
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
The lady who hems my pants appeared anxious...

In fact, I know she seamstressed

πŸ‘︎ 181
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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My sewing instructor just told me that I’m the worst student she has ever seen.

Shit. Wrong thread.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.

My 4 year old said β€œmummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”

Needless to say I was in stitches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I once went to work drunk and put too many double or multiple folds in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching at the top or side.

It was replete with pleats.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about the Surgeon?

It'll leave you in stitches

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGKZMan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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What organization is best at helping people with all of their sewing and stitching projects?

The ThRed Cross.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My urologist and I kept joking around during my last visit.

Finally he cut it out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I was about to stitch up her wound but she insisted she do it herself.

"Fine," i said. "Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkStar42024
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my doctor I'd rather do my stitches myself. He said

Suture self

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stupid_Watergate_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do their own stitches?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levine2112
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job of making a double or multiple fold in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching the top or side.

I was de-pleated.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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