Found in my neighbour's shop, in his late 70s and still punning strong
Legend says , he is still 0K.
As the cop knocked on my door, I just stayed in complete silence. He then knocked again. Determined not to give myself away, I just stayed still.
Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."
Mee: "You are not coming in."
Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"
Is this sub still active?
Haven't seen anyone post all year!
(Happy New Year from Australia everyone!)
Dad’s old postcard still cracks me up
My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.
He drinks straight from the bottle.
I'm bald but I still carry around my comb...
I just can't part with it.
I still don't have a gig :(
https://preview.redd.it/tk1v0lp7h1o61.jpg?width=505&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=530120c95be4cb518e38750c9bec9a38d1d07d6a
An unintended yet still intended pun
THIS JUST IN: A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $100,000 in large bills.
This pun is a little cheesy but still grate
Still got many things on my bucket list
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
It’s been years since the show ended, and I’m a little annoyed that people are still making ‘Friends’ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
Still better than an Immature Evacuation
What does a clock do when he's still hungry
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still don’t get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
Who lost their vision but was still able to see?
My friend asked me if Princess Bride jokes are still a thing
I said, “they’re mostly dead”
My ex wife still misses me....
But, her aim is getting better.
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
My ex-wife still misses me
But her aim is starting to improve.
Caffeine free? You will still be up all night.
They are just advertising that you do not have to pay extra for the caffeine. It is free.
People ask me why I still work as a mailman,on such low salary.
I tell them : "Its not about the money; Its about sending a message"
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
My high school bully still takes my lunch money.
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
Is an argument between two vegans still called a 'beef'?
My wife is okay with the fact that I still live with my ex-girlfriend.
She doesn't like me calling her that, however.
Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?
In 2017 I didn't jog. In 2018 I didn't jog. In 2019 I didn't jog. In 2020 I still haven't jogged.
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
Is this subreddit still active?
No one's posted anything all year...
Unemployed Pilot (Dad still killing it at 70)
My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):
I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing😬👍
Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
Does anyone still use this thread?
I haven't seen anyone since last year
3 months since I had COVID and I’ve still got very little sense of taste.
Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends
A Harper Lee novel on trial refused to open up about their case case, but was still judged by it's cover.
Moral of the story... Don't kill animals.
Edit: remove one case
I know it's too soon and still very controversial, but it's likely that the rioters may have the death penalty.
It was, after all, a Capitol offense.
SpaceX's rocket was designed to be as wide as it could be and still be transported on the roads.
So when the boss wanted to make it larger, they had to elongate it.
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
My wife told me today, "Look, I've had this since high school and it still fits me."
Me: "Yeah!!! It's a scarf. "
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.
He just can't part with it.
I can’t believe people are still making “Friends” references 15 years after the show ended.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
My four year old has been learning Spanish for a year, and he still can’t say ‘please’
I think that’s poor for four
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.
I can’t believe it’s not better.
I can’t believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
My ex wife still misses me.
But her aim is getting better!
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
