Staling Puns

Piece of toast

...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.

They get stale really fast.

He has a rye sense of humor...

Our lives would be very stale

Because the bread mold was a fun-gi

What a pain, what a pane, what a pain

But I broke up with her because she was too kneady.

I knew I should've wrapped up the sandwich before leaving it on the table.

But I thought most of you would find it rather stale

http://i.imgur.com/hN65YTl.jpg

Tonight my wife and I were explaining why my son had to wear pajama bottoms after putting anti-itch cream on his legs, because it kept it from rubbing off on the sheets. “But doesn’t it rub off on the pajamas?” asked my daughter. My wife patiently explained that the cream could then rub back onto his legs.

“Yes,” I said. “It’s a perpetual lotion machine.”

He was feeling crummy.

I am buying him a bottle opener before I go back stateside (USMC) and cannot figure out what to get engraved on it. He is kinda stale, so dry sense of humors welcome!

Because it was stale, mate.

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.

Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.

While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".

When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."

...gonna call it Best By.

I said "This is stale, mate." He said "Are you sure?" I said "Check, mate".

I mean, the veggies on it are starting to turn different colors and the bread has gotten stale. How can anyone eat this sub?

Me: I demand a refund!

Assistant: what's wrong with it?

Me: It's stale mate.

Assistant: Surely not?

Me: Check mate.

Her> Would you like me to pack?

Me> We've only just met. I didn't know you were leaving already.

A stale cracker!!!

Because he tasted funny.

I told them “I hope this doesn’t turn out like Rigor Mortis of an Australian friend.”

“What?”

“I hope this isn’t a stale mate.”

"Ginger-ale? More like Ginger-stale!"

Me: oh my god! This cereal is soooo stale! Wife: what is it??? Me: Cheerios with ancient grains Wife: *head shaking *eye rolling

Customer: "Do you have any rutabagas?"

Me: "No, we're fresh out."

Customer: "You mean you're stale out..."

Cousin: "I need to take a shower soon, my hair is really stale."

Dad: "That's what happens when you leave it out too long."

It flew over my cousin's head, and I just laughed to myself.

But I thought most of you would find it rather stale