The iRoll
Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I told my wife we've struck gold and she immediately upgraded to the newest iRoll v2 software!!!
It's a gag reflex
I just think there is a time and a place for it.
Can, did.
My daughter comes running through to me after watching a film where a young girl dies at the start,
Daughter : What would you do if I was to drop down dead in front of you.
Me: Clean the knife.
"Sure." I said," When?
My wife and I were recently at a small local zoo with our 1-year-old son, and we approached an exhibit with a couple of ravens.
Wife: "It's so sad that the ravens are separated by a fence"
Me, out of nowhere: "I know, they're like Crow-meo and Juliet"
Her eyes rolled back so hard I thought I was at Walmart
For the halibut!
Carp EDM
She said I can't keep it down.
http://i.imgur.com/60SpOFr.jpg
It gets pretty tense.
Me: What turns you on?
Her: Spontaneity.
Me: So if I spontaneously combusted that would just be like the hottest thing you've ever seen.
Her: sighs
Sitting with my girlfriend and she mentions my beard. I tell her I know she loves it.
"It's growing on me"
"Funny enough, it's growing on me too!"
I may have been a little too proud of that one
Characters: My wife, my son (four years old), and my daughter (his twin, so obviously also four).
Son: "My classmate didn't like me laughing at her today."
Wife: "Why were you laughing at her?"
Son: "I'm a vampire! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
Wife: "OH! Like an evil laugh?"
Son: "Yeah! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
Daughter: "I'm a witch! Hee hee hee hee!"
Wife: "So you're both monsters?"
Son: "Yep!"
Daughter: "Hee hee hee hee!"
Wife: "Am I a monster too?"
Son: "Yeah! You're a ... " <dramatic pause> " ... mummy."
Whole family in hysterical laughter, and after it dies down he goes, "Get it!? Mummy!"
I've never been so proud. A spontaneously generated pun of that caliber at four years old, AND an unnecessary clarification/repetition of the joke? I've got high hopes for this one.
Last night, my girlfriend's grandma was admitted to a nearby hospital for a heart rhythm abnormality. The admitting physician was a great guy, and concluded his admission assessment with a spontaneous, and entirely unrelated, dad joke.
"Did you hear about the two burglars who stole a calendar? They each got six months."
He promptly dropped his stethoscope and left. Boom.
Recently I took a very spontaneous last minute trip across the country. It really cleared my head from all the nonsense in my life right now. A friend of mine got inspired by that and said fuck it, I'm going somewhere random too (he ended up deciding Zion Park in Utah). He texted me that he was getting anxious about it and was about to back out, so I replied "You can't back out now, you said you want to do something crazy so do it. Utah-k the talk, now you gotta walk the walk."
