Apple announced a new product for wives that helps cope with spontaneous dad jokes throughout their day.

The iRoll

Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I told my wife we've struck gold and she immediately upgraded to the newest iRoll v2 software!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Use2HandsPlease
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I have no objection to people being spontaneous,

I just think there is a time and a place for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Who said I can’t take spontaneous photos?

Can, did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Spontaneous Dad Joke

My daughter comes running through to me after watching a film where a young girl dies at the start,

Daughter : What would you do if I was to drop down dead in front of you.

Me: Clean the knife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/veryoldhippy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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I was spontaneous once. it didn't go as planned
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnr_jinx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
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My girlfriend said to me that we need to be more spontaneous.

"Sure." I said," When?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/melance
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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Why did the spontaneous man go fishing?

For the halibut!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2016
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My first spontaneous dad-joke!

My wife and I were recently at a small local zoo with our 1-year-old son, and we approached an exhibit with a couple of ravens.

Wife: "It's so sad that the ravens are separated by a fence"

Me, out of nowhere: "I know, they're like Crow-meo and Juliet"

Her eyes rolled back so hard I thought I was at Walmart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geropy86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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What do you call a spontaneous fish that loves new-age techno?

Carp EDM

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πŸ‘€︎ u/philography
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
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My wife is leaving me because I'm noisy, bulemic, and get spontaneous erections...

She said I can't keep it down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2017
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It's my first spontaneous dad joke... And I'm not even a dad..

http://i.imgur.com/60SpOFr.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-MANGA-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2016
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I have a condition where I spontaneously and randomly tell jokes to people

It's a gag reflex

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingadod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Supermilk

I am a bit proud of what I achieved today. I promise that this is spontaneous to me, even though I might have heard the word somewhere else.

So my older children are up and waiting for breakfast, and they started talking about a game variety of Parkour, and the word β€œlegendary” is being thrown around casually. So I ask them if they know what legendary means, and my son says, after a minute of thinking, that it means very amazing. I answered, β€œNo, legendary means super famous milk.” Took them half a minute to figure out and I got the biggest groans ever!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Damark81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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They're to die for.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HemperorSean
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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What happens if the past, the present and the future meet in a bar?

It gets pretty tense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1tzLenny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Flirting with a girl

Me: What turns you on?

Her: Spontaneity.

Me: So if I spontaneously combusted that would just be like the hottest thing you've ever seen.

Her: sighs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1clever_username
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2015
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Was able to get my girlfriend the other day

Sitting with my girlfriend and she mentions my beard. I tell her I know she loves it.

"It's growing on me"

"Funny enough, it's growing on me too!"

I may have been a little too proud of that one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graybush333
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Dad joke in ER

Last night, my girlfriend's grandma was admitted to a nearby hospital for a heart rhythm abnormality. The admitting physician was a great guy, and concluded his admission assessment with a spontaneous, and entirely unrelated, dad joke.

"Did you hear about the two burglars who stole a calendar? They each got six months."

He promptly dropped his stethoscope and left. Boom.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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Dad in training

Characters: My wife, my son (four years old), and my daughter (his twin, so obviously also four).


Son: "My classmate didn't like me laughing at her today."

Wife: "Why were you laughing at her?"

Son: "I'm a vampire! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Wife: "OH! Like an evil laugh?"

Son: "Yeah! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Daughter: "I'm a witch! Hee hee hee hee!"

Wife: "So you're both monsters?"

Son: "Yep!"

Daughter: "Hee hee hee hee!"

Wife: "Am I a monster too?"

Son: "Yeah! You're a ... " <dramatic pause> " ... mummy."

Whole family in hysterical laughter, and after it dies down he goes, "Get it!? Mummy!"


I've never been so proud. A spontaneously generated pun of that caliber at four years old, AND an unnecessary clarification/repetition of the joke? I've got high hopes for this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maclimes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2017
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Made a motivational dad joke

Recently I took a very spontaneous last minute trip across the country. It really cleared my head from all the nonsense in my life right now. A friend of mine got inspired by that and said fuck it, I'm going somewhere random too (he ended up deciding Zion Park in Utah). He texted me that he was getting anxious about it and was about to back out, so I replied "You can't back out now, you said you want to do something crazy so do it. Utah-k the talk, now you gotta walk the walk."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvl100Warlock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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