He’s got the spirit
πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/According-Ad8779
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The trail blazer lost his Christmas spirit.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bev_err
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Want to contact the spirit of a dead Italian ?

Use a Luigi board.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
He has good spirit though
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Average-Fool
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My ex actually has 3 spirit animals:

Lion, Ass, Cheetah

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/medimanager
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
She fell in love with a spirit

She got ghosted

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A new level.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregorybrad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the encouraging girl spirit say to the other ambitious girl spirit?

β€œYou ghost girl!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why witches should not ask underground spirits for an advice?

Because they live under the rock.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChillySunny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't spirits wear shoes?

Because they're...

...sole-less!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard people are blaming imaginary evil spirits for Micheal Jackson's death.

Guess they're blaming it on the boogie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aniketraghav7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
That's the spirit
πŸ‘︎ 153
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danieltan1502
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Is it o.k. to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...

....or, am I a really bad teacher ?

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The immaculate conception? The Holy Spirit was in the womb where it happened.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/innerstrife
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A dead end
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcnigel73
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the ghost soccer team win all their games?

They were amazing at possessing the ball.

*My son's joke. I'm so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 723
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcticTrek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage…

I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 258
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobo4lifee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does a spirit of a cat live?

In the purrgatory.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do exorcists never sue ghosts?

Because possession is 9/10ths of the law.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Therapy_Gecko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...

"I'm on antidepressants."

He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ghosts like to use elevators?

Because it lifts up their spirits

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
We need help naming some murderous cats.

We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.

We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.

We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.

So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.

We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sveil96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
In the spirit of sharing our kids attempts at dad jokes,

My daughter had to wire an essay about her hobby, which is softball. Her opener:

Pitcher this, you’re standing on a mound.

I was overwhelmed, and more proud than ever. She threw in some other puns too, it was an excellent essay, she’s giving me a run for my money, I batter watch out.

Edit: thank you u/PsychicGnome for the reminder that my kids are better parents than I am

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OnionShanty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Want to hear a pun about ghosts?

That's the spirit!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I started drinking weed infused vodka

It keeps me in high spirits

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flazdude
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad isn’t usually one full of dad jokes, but he hit me with a great one today.

For context, my dad had a leg amputation a few months back but he’s been in mostly good spirits about it. We were talking about places to eat in our area, and he asked where one of the fast food restaurants was around here, so I said β€œIt’s at the intersection, where the IHOP is.”

Dad replied, β€œOh, that’s my favorite place to get breakfast.”

I never got food with my dad at IHOP before so I was confused, but then it dawned on me what he meant. 😐

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalleh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Singer of Smells Like Teen Spirit
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkathion890
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and kids put stickers all over a bottle of liquor for my dad for Christmas.

I said " Give him a gift of the Holiday Spirit".

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiverMeeTimberz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?

Count Draculas.

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you encourage a ghost?

Thats the spirit

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjyea124
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she wants to put a cross over the toilet.

I said, holy shit, that's a great idea!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gottabtru
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what would really lift my spirits these days?

If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoorHalfwayShut
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I will hit the holy spirit into you if I have to.
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tj4y
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do ghosts drink

Boos

(Probably been done before, sorry)

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tartar404
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
After drinking mineral spirits...

I told the minerals to go home, they were drunk.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mindfullsilence
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SolgaleoGamePlays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dwarven convict who can talk to spirits and escape prison?

A small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hufflestuff33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Among all the machines, the pulley is the most egotistical.

It’s always at the centre of a tension.

πŸ‘︎ 922
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
whiskey please

do you want ice with that?

Yes but can I get fresh ice please none of that frozen rubbish!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Instead of decorating my whole house this year, I decided to put all of my lights in my drinks cupboard instead..

We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Itsy Bitsy Spider β€” Dad version

Use this nursery rhyme to play "scary/gross monster" with your tyke:

"The itsy bitsy spider climbed into Mia's mouth
Down to her ears and crawling in and out!
Out through her nose and tickled with her legs,
She made Mia sneeze her brains to scrambled eggs!

achoo splat bleah"

Substitute $name for Mia.

Spider hand chases while Dad reclines on bed. Tyke busily baits and counterattacks.

I dunno whether this qualifies as a Dad joke, but my wife hated it until she saw how much my daughter liked it. I feel like that fits the spirit of Dadness. For maximum results, send your wife the poem first.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeoLittlebook
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the spirits of honey bees?

Boo-bees

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you summon an Italian Spirit?

With a Luigi Board.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlissedIgnorance
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got attacked by a spirit

It got charged with a-soul-t

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toban6273
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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