Speedfully Puns

You slowly get over it.

I suppose it's because windows no longer supports flash. Yeah.

Unfortunately, I struck out. I suppose I should have known better than to go looking for love in Alderaan places.

It was an older woman driving. He asks her why she was driving slow.

She says - "I saw a sign that said I-15, so I thought the speed limit was 15 mph"

Officer - "That is the sign for the Interstate 15. The speed limit is 70 mph on this road"

Then he notices 3 other older ladies in the back seat whose faces were white as a sheet.

He asks the driver whats wrong.

Her - "Oh, we just came off I-215"

Old man response : i once had my wife run off on me with a state trooper , i thought you were bringing her back !!

I call it “instagram”

I was really disappointed when it made him more sluggish.

Their stomachs were in knots.

“Driver’s license?” the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.

“You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse,” the blonde cop explains patiently.

“Oh, that!” the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectangular mirror, which she hands to the blonde cop.

The blonde cop looks at the mirror and exclaims, “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re free to go…I didn’t realize you were a cop!”

Edit: Some people in the comments are saying that this is not a dad joke, I put this here cause my dad told this one to me. Hope this makes sense :)

It was fine.

Amish people give us the finger.

but it's ok, I'm slowly getting over them.

No, I said, but I can give Bohemian Rhapsody a try.

Edit: thank you for the awards kind strangers!

Because braking bad.

Because if speed had direction it would be called velocity

It made him even more sluggish

They send you to prism.

Because they consider light to be of no matter.

Good Evening mam, do you know the speed limit is 45 km/h here? Why were you going at 55?

Oh sorry, the old lady replies. I thought the interstate number was the speed limit.

So, would you mind telling me why the others are shaking in the back?

Oh that. We just got off from Interstate 120.

It's pasteurized before you can even see it.

I explained that when I got my license it specifically said to tear along the dotted line.

It was poultry in motion at its finest.

is to use an accele-rant.

...it's a hard habit to brake.

"Really dodged a bullet there"

...but I slowly got over it.

She glanced in the rear view mirror and said, “Yes, Officer, that’s me!”

00 m p h

Then it's just velocity

would it be a deer ticket?

Finally I can tell ppl I walk faster than the speed of light

Because Dawn is tough on Greece

You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

But I am slowly getting over it.

I’m slowly getting over it.

But I am slowly getting over it

you slowly get over it

The good news is that I'm slowly getting over it.

If it had direction, it would be called “Velocity”.

I'm slowly getting over it.

I'm slowly getting over it.