Why do forrest rangers load their rifles with bear tranquilizers when they go out on group expeditions?

Because there's safety in numb bears

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2022
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I'm off on an expedition to find a cannibal tribe. I'm sure I'll be safe though.

I'm bringing my friend Stew and his wife Peaches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveBennett64
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2022
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I went on an expedition with a group to the Arctic Circle. Once we reached the North Pole, the guide turned to me and said…

Crap, this is the point of the journey where it all goes south.

(Not a true story, but as a dad I would totally do this.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Actuaryba
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2022
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Why wasn't drinking permitted on the Oregon trail?

It was important not to fall off the wagon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourOverLordisME
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2022
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Well, my Atlantic fishing expedition didn't go as planned

We were out for 3 days trying to land the elusive salt-water gar. A real fighter of a fish.

On day 3 I hooked one and fought him for almost an hour before the hook ripped through and away he went.

So close!! But no sea gar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raven21633x
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2021
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On a lone expedition through Bangladesh, I made the rookie mistake of exhausting my food supply.

After four days of nothing to eat I was delirious from starvation. In my desperation I went hunting for the first thing that looked remotely appetizing. Soon I stumbled upon an indigenous macaque, and with a focused throw of my spear I skewered it in one hit.

Only half the battle was over, though. I had no idea what to do with this corpse. I've cooked easy things like beef, poultry, and pork but never a monkey. Fortunately, a wandering traveler came by, so I asked him how I should prepare it. He said, "That's easy. Just boil the monkey. Nice and fast." Then he left.

While it did sound easy, boiled meat usually doesn't taste good. However, another wandering traveler soon meandered by, so I asked him what to do. He said, "If you're patient and want good flavor, slowly spit roast the monkey over a fire." He then walked away.

That sounded much better, but I was too hungry to wait that long. As fate would have it, a third wandering traveler sauntered by, so I asked for his advice. He said, "If you're pressed for time but still want something delicious, then skin the monkey, render its fat, and deep fry the meat in its own fat." He went on his way.

I had three unique options to pick from, and while I hadn't immediately chosen one I definitely learned something new:

There's no wrong way to eat a rhesus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2021
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An astronaut wanted to go on a space expedition with his cat

He asked his supervisor if he can take his cat to space. Supervisor explained how it is very expensive to ensure safety of everyone with a cat and can become dangerous.

Astronaut wished he was rich enough to bear the fee of taking a cat with him.

He thought about this for awhile.

With heavy heart he decided to leave the cat.

He can't afford Cat-Astro-Fee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goofy_goon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2021
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What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?

A navi-gator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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Did you hear that the latest north pole expedition was ended two weeks early?

They got there ok but then things went south.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpleFlame8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Did you hear about the Mt. Everest expedition that got snowed in?

They said their nights were intents....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manthe43
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Last week in Warsaw the government asked its people how they felt about an expedition to stick large metal rods in the northern and southern ends of the globe.

it was the Poll of Poles on the pole poles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeinshver
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2014
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My wife's comment when the commercial for Expedition Unknown: Hunt for the Yeti came on...."has he looked at his stupid face?" To which I replied:

"Not Yeti."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/starchybunker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2016
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I asked my friend if he was enjoying his African hunting expedition.

He said, safari so good!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pete_the_rawdog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2016
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The sailors were exploring the waters between the cliffs of the inlet.

It was the fjord expedition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DownwardSpirals
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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A classic groaner

Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids. The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived on the mountain. The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him. They thought one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary. So a group of Trids and their minister went up the mountain and before they could even say one word the ogre kicked them down the mountain. Not being dismayed the Trids thought that maybe the ogre was Catholic, so they sent another delegation, this time led by the local priest. But alas, as they approached the ogre he once again kicked them all down the mountain.

The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the ogre was Jewish. Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they wrote to the people of another land and asked them to send a Rabbi to help them with the ogre. The Rabbi arrived and led a delegation of Trids up the mountain. The ogre saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the mountain. The Rabbi, having been told of the previous expeditions, wondered why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the ogre. The ogre laughed and replied:

"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hometown45
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2013
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What is the fastest mineral in the world?

Expedite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/projectimperfect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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It's been too cold to venture out the past few days. I'm not sure if cabin fever is setting in, or if dad's sense of humor has always been this lame.

We were all sitting there watching an Animal Planet special on bird migration (not by choice, the remote died), and after a few minutes apparent contemplation dad let this one loose on us.

"Did you hear about the ornithologist whose expedition was cancelled due to a severe snow storm?

I guess you could say things took an arctic tern for the worst!"

I think I may be booking a seat on the soonest ice floe out of this burg just to get away.

Oh no, he's got me doing it! It's spreading - run, save yourselves!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2015
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Canadian Prime Minister dad jokes in an official statement about finding ship that disappeared 160 years ago

"Finding the first vessel will no doubt provide the momentum - or wind in our sails - necessary to locate its sister ship and find out even more about what happened to the Franklin Expedition's crew."

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-29131757

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmNotScottBakula
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
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