So I was singing All Star in the car the other day, and my friend asked β€œHow do you know all the words” so I swiftly replied:

β€œSomebody once told me”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm Taylor Swiftly getting tired of these. imgur.com/OfZke4t
πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spacedrake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to stop quoting Taylor Swift lyrics all the time

I never saw it coming, wouldn’t have suspected it

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tim_owens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Taylor Swift is not what she seems

I sent her my trousers to be taken up by 4 inches over 3 months ago

and I still haven't had them back!

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift

Because she had bad blood

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Teller Swift
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kay_joshi
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A Dell
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Told this to my wife today

Me: What does Ronald McDonald do when he's angry?

Her: (sigh) What??

Me: He McGrrrrs

Her: (groan) please stop......

Me: Does that make you Grimace? (Chuckles)

Her: swift elbow to my ribs You tell me! * Sticks tongue out*

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cneuf802
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you find a lost train?

You track it down.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lambo1722
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Taylor Swift could further increase her revenue by opening an express alterations shop

and calling it Tailor Swift

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timeexterminator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What is Thanos' least favorite Taylor Swift song?

Endgame

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chandru1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is Taylor Swift?

Is she fast at stitching clothes or something?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonham_Starr
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Shake It Off by Taylor Swift (Harry Potter cover)
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sombez
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Trailer Swift
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmberWoo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Trailer Swift
πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sealedbeak
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t Taylor Swift have to worry about vampires?

Because she’s got BAD BLOOD....🎼

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beaverpudding
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The wife's mother was taken ill...

So I swiftly rushed off to find a pen and paper to write for an ambulance.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mex5150
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of dressmaker does Taylor Swift use when in a hurry?

A swift tailor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Phil Swift had a Christmas Party

He calls it Flex Seal Navidad

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Mariposa5487
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I wonder if mosquitoes like Taylor Swift

Because she has bad blood

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adriana-Robledo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
In the abandoned building down the street from "Tailor Swift" I'm going to open a sketchy-looking alteration service...

called Seams Legit.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegodawfultruth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2016
🚨︎ report
I’m doing a run of PokΓ©mon: SoulSilver where I name everybody after musical artist puns. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far- pretty catchy, huh?
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TristAndShout
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been going to rehab for my addiction to Taylor Swift lyrics.

I think i'm finally clean.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeAndMyHobo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to stop singing Wonder wall to her

I said maybe

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deeman_27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Taylor Swift got attacked by a boa constrictor...

Fortunately, she was able to shake it off.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StephenHunterUK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear? Tom Hiddleston is dating Taylor Swift

Don't tell anyone else though, they're trying to keep it Loki

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xanothis23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
🚨︎ report
What exercises does Taylor Swift do to stay fit?

She does Taylor lifts.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
🚨︎ report
What is Taylor Swift's favorite vegetable?

This. Sick. Beet.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LJokay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2016
🚨︎ report
What does the creator of flex tape run in?

Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad asked me about the new Taylor Swift album...

Dad: "Have you heard the new Taylor Swift album?"

Me: "1989? Yeah."

Dad: "Oh no, it was much more recent than that."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeycookie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
🚨︎ report
My mom dadjoked me over Taylor Swift leaving Spotify

http://imgur.com/gcNcIYP

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samtasam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
🚨︎ report
My Taylor Swift dad joke

I'm a dad. I came up with this one yesterday.

"I thought Taylor Swift was a same-day hemming service"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Terpene
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
🚨︎ report
What did Taylor Swift say when she entered a ruined building?

I knew you were rubble when I walked in.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarvelHulkWeed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
🚨︎ report
I told my Dad that I didn't like the new Taylor Swift song.

He said, "You just gotta shake it off!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sunfistkid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
🚨︎ report
An infomercial hosted by a guy named Phil Swift came on, and my buddy says...

"Watch out for Phil Swift, he'll pull a fast one on you."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bradlomac
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Pun pet names.

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named BeeyoncΓ©. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.

a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clixer712
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My kids were taking forever to finish their breakfast, so I had to quote Kanye West to them.

I said, β€œOmelette you finish.”

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Which celebrity makes their own clothes?

Tailor Swift

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ozantac
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the person who made clothes as an occupation's favorite musician?

Tailor Swift

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ResidentReward
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a custom made suit the other day in less than an hour.

The man who made it was Tailor Swift

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuckingFigh90
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do vampires hate Taylor Swift

She HAS BAD BLOOD

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astronaut12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the vampire bite Taylor Swift?

Because she had bad blood.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glyph-bellchime
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Amazon has started a new service where you will get custom made shirts delivered within 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Amazon is starting a new service where they deliver custom made shirts to your door within 48 hours.

They are calling it Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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