Swiftly Puns

“Somebody once told me”

I never saw it coming, wouldn’t have suspected it

I sent her my trousers to be taken up by 4 inches over 3 months ago

and I still haven't had them back!

Because she had bad blood

Me: What does Ronald McDonald do when he's angry?

Her: (sigh) What??

Me: He McGrrrrs

Her: (groan) please stop......

Me: Does that make you Grimace? (Chuckles)

Her: swift elbow to my ribs You tell me! * Sticks tongue out*

You track it down.

and calling it Tailor Swift

Endgame

Is she fast at stitching clothes or something?

Because she’s got BAD BLOOD....🎼

So I swiftly rushed off to find a pen and paper to write for an ambulance.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

A swift tailor.

He calls it Flex Seal Navidad

Because she has bad blood

called Seams Legit.

I think i'm finally clean.

I said maybe

Fortunately, she was able to shake it off.

Don't tell anyone else though, they're trying to keep it Loki

She does Taylor lifts.

This. Sick. Beet.

Flex shoes; they make him go Phil Swift!

Dad: "Have you heard the new Taylor Swift album?"

Me: "1989? Yeah."

Dad: "Oh no, it was much more recent than that."

http://imgur.com/gcNcIYP

I'm a dad. I came up with this one yesterday.

"I thought Taylor Swift was a same-day hemming service"

I knew you were rubble when I walked in.

He said, "You just gotta shake it off!"

"Watch out for Phil Swift, he'll pull a fast one on you."

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named Beeyoncé. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.

a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I said, “Omelette you finish.”

Tailor Swift

Tailor Swift

The man who made it was Tailor Swift

She HAS BAD BLOOD

Because she had bad blood.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

They are calling it Tailor Swift.