I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing...
But this is as close as I could get.
π︎ 107
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
I buy a new clock every time a new social movement forms.
Because the times, they are a-changin'.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
What happens when people refuse to social distance?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
I heard Mike Tyson will be launching a Christian dedicated social media site.
He's calling it "Faithbook".
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
If all social media came to an end
It would be post apocalyptic
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Why donβt ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because theyβre full of anty bodies
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.
Theyβre changing their name to Knockers.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
The ocean must have really bad social anxiety.
It never says hi. It just waves
π︎ 36
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
Social distancing is just a step in the right direction.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.
π︎ 292
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
The Social Security Administration
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
I love social media, I can offend thousands of people all at once...
Back in my day, I had to do it one at a time.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
I'm thinking about starting a social media network for chickens
But not as a full-time job, just as a way to make hens meet.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
What do social media and dancing former vice presidents have in common?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Social media pun
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
I am a social vegan.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
This is the peak of my social life
π︎ 92
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
I developed a successful chicken social network app to earn some money on the side.
I did it to make hens meet.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
Did you know Bennie and The Jets were the first group to social distance ?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 06 2020
Sloths are the most social animals.
They always want to hang out.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
A Police officer called Roxanne told me how to social distance,
She said "don't stand, don't stand so close to me"
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
For my birthday, my wife got me a book about social media.
It was a sweet gesture, but I already reddit.
π︎ 87
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? We should call that "social pisstancing".
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
I make my dog wear shoes at social events
So nobody notices his forepaws.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
There is a lot of concern amongst the flat earth brigade with regards social distancing.
Theyβre worried itβs going to push people over the edge......
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Hey Kids, wanta hear a dadjoke about Social Security?
Ah, nevermind, you probably won't get it anyways?
π︎ 77
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.
Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!
Because he is the supreme ruler.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 13 2020
I'm really sick of all the jokes about socialism. It's just not funny.
Unless everyone gets them.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
I feel like I've regressed to an earlier age because of all the social distancing.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
I think my daughter is a social vegan
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
What did the socially distanced yoga instructor say to her students
Nama stay six feet apart from people
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
One should not recorder this kind of thing on social media.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
A girl asked me if I was antisocial....
I said I don't care if others are social as long as they leave me out of it
π︎ 83
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Everyone keeps telling me to practice social distancing,
but when am I supposed to stop practicing and actually do it?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
This is as close as I could get.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Mar 22 2020
I tried my best to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I could get.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
I tried very hard to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I could get.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
This is as close as I could get.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
I am a social vegan.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jun 19 2020
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing
But this is as close as I could get
π︎ 113
π
︎ May 06 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
