Friend (who works in a research hospital): I'm building a bigger 3-D printer
Me: So what's your first project?
Friend: I should probably print something for the prosthetics department, they're always bugging me for stuff, but the small printer head takes too damn long
Me: Well, then you should charge them an arm and a leg
Friend: Seriously? Did you really just say that?
So my dad just got his concealed weapons permit recently so for Christmas my step mom got him a new pistol. Since she didn't want to wrap a handgun, she printed out a flyer from Cabela's and taped it to a stray dumbbell weight to disguise it and wrapped them up in a small box.
When my dad opens the box, without missing a beat he coolly says, "Oh, look! A new pistol with the mandatory waiting period...."