Unlike Judaism, a ceremonial ritual for slaughtered food is not practiced in Christianity.

That's separation of church and steak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derdody
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Idk
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rypper12345
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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To save his business, my butcher is trying an experimental process where he gives his cows magic mushrooms before slaughtering them.

Let's just say...the steaks are high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benchwrmr22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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I would make a joke about slaughter houses

But I'm afraid I'll butcher it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Neptune
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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On the way to the slaughter house, a cow found and ate a marijuana leave.

Now the steaks are high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriegerbeast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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My friend believes in reincarnation and says in his former life, he was a calf slaughtered for the meat.

Very revealing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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What did the Spanish pig say when it got to the slaughter house?

Por-k

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geohunt
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
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Did you hear? Someone killed Optimus Prime

Judge ruled it a case of vehicular-man slaughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pLeThOrAx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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How were the cattle introduced at the slaughter house?

They had a meat and greet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neutral_cadence
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2016
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Dad's facebook status after Germany slaughtered Brazil today

I'm seeing a lot of lame cheap WWII jokes because of this soccer match. My heart goes out to the people of Brazil. The photos of crying Brazilians in the stands are moving. They clearly did Nazi it coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JESUSSREALDAD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2014
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Why do Murderers always laugh hysterically?

That’s how they put the Laughter in Slaughter...!

Happy Halloween πŸŽƒ

Here all night haha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theredditgotme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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Great escape

Four chickens escaped from a slaughter house by riding on the back of a sheep.

They're still on the lamb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solomonsaysgo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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Grandad dropped this one on us...

We are discussing what food we are going to order at the restaurant:

Mum: What about smothered chicken?

Grandad: Could I get one that was traditionally slaughtered please?

... He was a butcher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emphs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
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Sleep-Deprivation Fueled Pun War

My friend (L) and I (B) ended up in a pun war. She had to wake up super early to catch a flight, and this was at about one in the morning:

L: I should definitely set my alarm to 'cow' o.O

B: Haha, do it. Nothing like waking up to cows in the 'moo'rning.

L: Oh my gosh. Absolutely not.

B: Hey, but it would be so 'udder'ly hilarious!

L: I just got stabbed to death by a pun.

B: I'm just trying to 'milk' it for all it's worth...

L: If I did that, I'm not sure I'd wake up in a happy 'moo'od.

B: Just drink some 'calf'inated coffee, and you'll be fine.

L: I'd be laughing 'stock' of the town... Cows don't have a sense of humor.

B: Bull!

L: I'll just use my cowculator do determine how much sleep I'm actually going to get tonight...

B: You could wake up a little later, but you'd have to 'hoof' it to the airport.

L: Hope the weather is good, so my plane isn't 'ground'ed 'beef'.

B: That's stretching it... You should make more of an 'heifer't to come up with good puns.

L: I know when I'm getting creamed.

B: It's hard to 'steer' you in the right direction, because you keep changing topics.

L: That's udderly ridiculous. I'm just trying to mooove on.

B: And I just keep churning 'em out...

L: No, you're just spinning your 'veal's.

B: That's one of the best ones I've herd all night!

L: I thought I might've butchered it...

B: PETA might have a beef with you because of it, though...

L: Well done, well done...

B: I don't think they care leather or not you personally slaughtered it, too.

L: See now, I wish you'd stop 'grilling' me about the bad puns... You should 'patty' yourself on the back. I 'dairy' you to come up with more.

B: Well, you can certainly steak a claim for being able to hold your own...

L: I'm a natural 'barn' comedian. However, I really should quit 'yak'king and go to bed. :p

B: Okay, that's not cows... You lose. You 'cud' have done a lot better.

L: The grass is greener on the other side, okay? Also, cows live in barns, and yaks are related to cows.

B: It was still quite a stretch... Don't have a cow about it.

L: Ha anymoo. Goodnight! Also, don't die of mad cow disease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guerrilla154
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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Dad joked my friend today...

Friend: My phone won't pull up your address

Me: Turn right on Slaughter, then right on Westgate, then right on my street. It's easy.

Friend: Well, those are some simple directions.

Me: Eh, they're alright

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NISCBTFM
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2015
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