2 bananas shopping in Walmart; first banana says โ€˜I dare you to shoplift that hamโ€™

Second banana says โ€˜no way, Iโ€™m not doing that!โ€™ First banana says โ€˜why? You yellow?โ€™

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bigpapastu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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I'm going to shoplift from Williams Sonoma. Hope I don't get caught.

It's a whisk I'm willing to take.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KidDene
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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There's a gang going through the shops in our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.

The Police believe theyโ€™re still at large.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cheifsup
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What happened to the shoplifter that stole a calendar?

He got 12 months.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SyncingShiip
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Shoplifters
๐Ÿ‘︎ 38
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tintorion
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A child psychic who was arrested for shoplifting has escaped police custody.

It has been reported that a small medium is at large.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Brucemoose1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Shoplifting is illegal, but that's whisk I'm willing to take
๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jvarblow
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 25 2019
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My idiot friend was caught shoplifting from the bakery yesterday.

He has done stupid things before, but this one really takes the cake.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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I shoplifted a sewing machine yesterday but Iโ€™m really regretting it.

It just doesnโ€™t seam right.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Gear99
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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A shoplifter stole an entire case of red bull from my store

I donโ€™t know how he sleeps at night

๐Ÿ‘︎ 89
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/theredditballer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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My son asked me if I've ever been shoplifting.

I'm not that strong but I appreciated the compliment.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/orduk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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Did you hear about the gang that was shoplifting melons?

I heard theyโ€™re all convicted felons.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stor_e_teller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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If you are shoplifting a grocery store and hear the police, run!

Else you will get years for every bread you take

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nicanor5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a shoplifting dinosaur??

A crapithinkhesawrus ๐Ÿ˜‚

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dwayne81
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A man was recently arrested for shoplifting at my local supermarket whisky balanced on the shoulders of two vampires

He was charged with theft on two counts!

Edit - meant whilst not whisky!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MJBGaming
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Did you hear about the man caught shoplifting kitchen utensils?

He was put in custardy. When asked he stated โ€œit was a whisk worth taking.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/barstowtovegas
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2018
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I saw a sign, it said: Let's put a stop to shoplifting TODAY.

"Ok," I thought. "One day shouldn't be too challenging."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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I can't believe I'm being arrested for shoplifting.

The cashier TOLD me to swipe the cardigan!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/markvark
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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Saw a sign that said โ€œShoplifting can leave a person with a record and impact their life. โ€œ

Dad: โ€œThatโ€™s only if you shoplift a record. โ€œ

He laughed at himself for the next 3 minutes of our lives.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lsurox22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the Irish shoplifter?

He was found dead under Sainsburyโ€™s.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cleatus029
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Mom told me to pickup the groceries

but I'm not a shoplifter.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ebatm3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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My life has been full of priceless moments.

I'm a shoplifter.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rav4xle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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My wife and I were arguing about who had the worse job

and as the owner of a pastry store, the shoplifters really took the cake.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/myothiuf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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(OC) I have tendancy to take things literally.

I just got out of jail for shoplifting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YeahBut-I-Thought
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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Why did the man steal the wig?

He didnโ€™t want toupee

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pedroplaysguitar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What kind of thief is the strongest?

A shoplifter.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ItsBatmang
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad jokes a criminal

My dad is a police officer and I was on a ride-along with him. He and his partner arrested a guy for shoplifting. As the perp, whose name is "Unique," is sitting in the back of the car, my dad walks up, looks at me smiling, and says to the suspect "how do you catch a unique criminal? Unique up on em!" He and his partner laughed and high-fived, then just shut the door.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PieterJohn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2014
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I picked up that new console my kids've been begging for on my way home from work today.

I put it down before leaving the store, though. Wouldn't want to get into the habit of shoplifting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NotActuallyStudying
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
At the kitchen utensil section of the grocery store:

Me: Iโ€™m thinking of shoplifting.

Her: Are you crazy??

Me: Itโ€™s a whisk Iโ€™m willing to take.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
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Overheard from a dressing room...

Woman: "Honey I'm going to run to the bathroom quick, don't go anywhere."

Man in dressing room: "Okay, but don't run. They'll think you're shoplifting!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 32
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BlanchCurVie
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
There is a gang of shoplifters going through the city systematically stealing clothes in size order.

Police believe they are still at large.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 124
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JulianCrisp
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
There's a gang of shoplifters going across town systematically stealing clothes according to size.

Police say they're still at Large

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lostsharpie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A man was caught stealing at a supermarket today while standing on the shoulders of a couple of vampires

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Hud_is_on
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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A man was caught stealing from a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires;

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Shoplifting from Williams Sonoma is dangerous...

but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Twigsnapper
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BadBoyJH
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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