9yo shared this one with me: What do you call a cow who just had a baby?

De-calf-inated!

Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cālf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oliumzen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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My manager thought the smoothie I shared with them was a little too thick...

... They thought it was more of a "roughie"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kromverde
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I read a story about twin brothers born with a single body and shared organs.

Age 6 they were separated in a successful 13hr surgery. Later in life they went to prison for armed robbery. They served 10yrs. Afterwards they wrote their book about being ex-con joined twins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshWithaQ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I shared a urinal with some guy named James.

It was a bonding moment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelionmermaid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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My boss shared this in my work chat today, it took me a moment...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/errorFohOhFoh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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She took a risk and bought a whisk. Someone shared this in a Weird Secondhand Finds group on fb.
πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/intheautumnof1997
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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Which symptom is shared by all the politicians worldwide?

Constipation. They are always full of shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Idk if this has been shared here yet or not /r/Jokes/comments/fnjxd1/…
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Kno_De_Wae
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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I have a shared parking lot with my neighbor. I don’t like him much but I’ve decided to try and be friends. After all...

We have a lot in common

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beybladepenis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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The blind date was going badly until we found out we shared one thing...

Not being able to see

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/me-no-smart
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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Did you hear about the clam that never shared?

How shellfish!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlothChamber
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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Two great Nations shared some Yogurt flavors the other day...

It was mostly a cultural exchange.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProtoXoa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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When shared commuters suffer transiting underground shortcuts

Another case of Carpool Tunnel Syndrome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralRodin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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Shared a dadjoke from this subreddit with my dad and he dadjoked it up even more.

Me: How did the butcher introduce his wife? Me: Meet Pattie! Dad: Meat my wife Dad: She's a cut above the rest

Here's a link to the text convo:

http://imgur.com/GU30U1Q

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xosir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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Dad shared one of his jokes

I was talking to my dad and he has this one joke he loves to tell. He told me to share it on that β€œinternet thing”

β€œWhat’s the fastest liquid on earth?”

β€œMilk. It’s pasteurized before you even see it.”

Commence groaning.

There has been quite a few that don’t quite get it.

Enjoy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plasma78
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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Shared a link with my Dad, wasn't expecting this
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jjglsn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
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If I had known that this subreddit existed, I would've shared the tale of Brown Paper Bart with you long ago.

A man is riding his horse through the desert, and, well, he starts to get thirsty. He sees a small town off in the distance, so he sets off in that direction to get some water for his horse and some whiskey for hisself.

Well, as he gets into that little town he starts to notice something peculiar. Not a soul is out. Sun's setting, but still plenty of light. Water in the horse troughs tells him it ain't a ghost town, but folks ain't comin' out for some reason.

Now, as soon as he turns onto the town's main street, he sees a soberin' sight; the sheriff, on a ladder, hammering the last nail into a brand new gallows. He sidles his horse on up to the sheriff and says, "Pardon me sheriff. I don't mean to pry, but pray tell, who're them gallows fer?"

The sheriff looks around, surprised to see someone out. He steps down, takes off his hat and scratches the back of his head thoughtfully, before replying, "Well, I reckon you must be a stranger in these parts. I reckon then that you ain't never heard of Brown Paper Bart. Anyway, we're lynchin' him come sunrise."

"Brown Paper Bart? I reckon not, sheriff. That's a mighty peculiar name, pray tell, whaddaya call him Brown Paper Bart fer?"

"Wayill, I reckon we call him Brown Paper Bart on account 'a the fact that everything he wears is made a' brown paper. His hat's made a' brown paper, his boots is made a' brown paper. His chaps is made a' brown paper, his neckerchief's made a brown paper. Heck dang shoot, even his lunch bag is made a' brown paper!"

The man looks at the sheriff a moment, perplexed, before replying, "Well, sheriff, I reckon that's a mighty peculiar thing for a man to do, but that don't explain these brand new gallows. Pray tell, what're you lynchin' Brown Paper Bart fer?"

[Insert a dad-length pause here.]

"...Rustlin'."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malenkylizards
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
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My friend and I shared a memory (x-post /r/screenshots) imgur.com/gallery/XM3qSyC…
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techpriest_1394
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2015
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Me and my friend opened a shared bank account for buying weed

It'll be our joint account.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/airlancelot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
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A colleague and I shared a pack of custard creams....

He said we'll split them evenly so we both get an equal amount....so I said...

"Well I guess we have joint custardy then"

I'm very proud

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πŸ‘€︎ u/antiunreal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
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My dad and I shared a great moment today...

We were talking about the eclipse and where best to go outside and look at it (with proper viewing glasses, of course). My mom asked "Where is the sun right now?"

My dad and I both responded, instantly and in unison, "It's up in the sky!"

We laughed, high fived, and my mom rolled her eyes so hard that they almost popped out of her head. Good times y'all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreamyGoodnss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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My Dad and the urologist shared a dadjoke at the worst time...

I was 16 and had found a small cyst (marble sized) in my scrotum. My regular Doc. had referred me to a Urologist, my dad came along "for support"

Dr: Hello, I'm Dr. so and so, what brings you in to see me?

Dad: Well it's my son here, apparently he has grown a third testicle.

Dr: I see, if that's case, the truth is you don't need me, you need to get your son an agent!

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/carbidegriffen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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Shared this moment with my father tonight
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πŸ‘€︎ u/irokatcod4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2016
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Jokes about Communism are best when shared with everyone.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katomatt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
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Our Music Teacher Shared This With Us.

Why couldn't Mozart and Beethoven find their teacher?

He was Haydn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RevivedHealer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
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My dad just shared this one

My family went to an easter egg drop today. Afterwards, they handed out hot dogs. They should have given out egg-drop soup instead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poop_scoot_party
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2017
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My dad and I both ride motorcycles, and he just shared this with me. youtube.com/watch?v=1C-Bx…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fruitblender
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2013
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My dad shared this with me on Facebook

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CH3CH3CO2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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Shared this one to my family

I got into a fender bender in our neighborhood this morning. Everyone is ok, but it hit a little close to home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpkray
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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Moved into college yesterday, and my dad just shared this on my Facebook time line.

What did the Buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrkingman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
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My mom just shared an interesting fact...

"Did you know John Lennon's son was born on his birthday?"

"Isn't everyone born on their birthdays?"

She just stared at me while I open up reddit to post this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobTehCat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2014
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Shared a dad joke with a stranger tonight

I was taking an order tonight and one of the children ordered the chicken fingers. I told him that they were actually chicken strips. Everyone at the table let the comment gloss over them except for the dad, who smirked and started nodding. We broke the silence by simultaneously declaring "because chickens don't have fingers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2014
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Dad shared this one with the family right before my choir concert

It was towards the end of the semester and my parents had come to my university to see my choir concert as well as pick up some of the things from my dorm I didn't need any more. I went back to my dorm to get my bicycle and the replacement tire I was supposed to put on the bike but never got around to it. To make things easier, I put the tire around my neck and across my chest so I could wheel the bike to the campus center to meet up with my family and my boyfriend. As I'm walking up to them, my dad looks me up and down and says "Are you sure that's the proper atTIRE?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yartenic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2014
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My dad just shared what happened when he last went to the doctor's..

Receptionist: would you like to take a seat? Dad: no thanks, I've got plenty at home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/laaanis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2014
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Coworker shared this one with me today...

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hipponotamouse
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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Shared this in a math joke thread

A kid comes home from school. His dad asks him what he was studying. "Oh, geometry. You know, 'pi r^2', that kinda thing." His dad says, "Well shucks, I gotta get you outta that school. Everyone knows pie are round; cake are squared.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bwsullivan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you heard about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the animals that shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime-mates!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harlienx900
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sixfootninja
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were prime-mates

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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