I was once offered the chance to join a secret club, where anyone who asks a question is permanently banned.
The secret behind a dad joke is in the delivery
Is what the mailman keeps telling my son.
Someone secretly randomized my playlist.
Now I’m left with an unchained meddley.
There’s a fine line between a secret
Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.
That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.
I'm going to share with you the greatest secret for always being on time
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Why was the discovery of King Tut thought to be a secret?
Because he was kept under wraps...
your mom secretly told me that you were born on a highway
....that's where most accidents happen
I just found out that my friend lives a secret life as a priest.
Secret jaws plot
Did you know if you watch jaws backwards, it's about a shark that throws up so many people they have to open a beach? :D
I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me
Every dad stores his jokes in a very secret place...
I’ve secretly converted to Norse Paganism
Shhh...I’m trying to keep it Loki
Why does “secretary” start with secret?
Because of all their business affairs
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!
Two people agreed to never speak to each other secretly
It was an unspoken agreement.
The guy who stole my diary died yesterday.
My thoughts are with his family.
You want the names of the tiny shrimp secret agents?
Sure, I could tell you...but then I’d have to krill you.
If Spiderman's secret identity is Peter Parker, what's his dog's secret identity?
I told my friend a secret about the grocery store.
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.
He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.
What's the secret to being Santa Claus?
You either have the gift or you don't.
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
Which melon is unable to secretly marry?
What did batman say to robin before they got into the bat mobile?
Remember Spider Pig from the Simpsons movie? I figured out his secret identity!
As a secret agent, my kids never know what I got them for Christmas..
I always keep the presents under wraps.
My friend asked about my secret of making the juiciest steak
He isn’t pleased saying it’s too dry.....
I just told him “it needs more thyme in the pan”
Why do secret agents get the best sleep...
Because they’re always undercover.
What secret society loves to eat pretzels?
I secretly don't want 2020 the end..
Because then it'd mean 2021.
I asked my dad if he had any secret talents.
He replied, “If I did, how the hell would I know about them?”
Do you know the secret Karen?
Everyone knows about Karen's, how they argue with everyone about everything.
Do you know about their lesser known Sister, Sharon. She's every bit as argumentative and angry, because as everyone knows,
Sharon is Karen
Have you heard about the top secret bakery?
It's on a knead to dough basis
What did the secret service yell when Disney sent assassins after our president?
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secret of invisibility.
If only they could see me now.
The secret service has a new protocol if there's a threat in the room with the president
They used to yell down. Now it's
"Donald duck!"
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Edit: Wow! My first Silver and my first Gold! I am honored. What an amazing community. It's a great place to visit after a challenging day.
The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.
What do you call it when Victoria Secret merges with Smith and Wesson?
Why should you never tell military secrets to a duck?
Ducks will always quack under interrogation.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me "the most secretive guy" in the office.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest.
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked
now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
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