A minor.
I tried searching for that once. Unfortunately, it was blocked.
Turns out that idea was Taken
Me- I meet an interesting person the other day
Her- Oh, ok?
Me- Turns out he runs a school
Her- Not too interesting so far...
Me- Yeah, but it's a school for protons, neutrons and electrons
Her- umm, sorry, what?
Me- Yeah, but it's the Principal of the matter, you see?
eyeroll intensifies
And I still haven't found what I am looking for
Yahoooooo
Lettuce know
I guess I just wasn't what they were looking for.
I'm looking for glove in all the wrong places.
Iβve been telling my son βwhoever stole myβ¦β jokes and making him groan. I need more. Please help!
Whoever stole my coffee I donβt know how you can sleep at night Whoever stole my radiator the heat is on you Whoever stole my electronic repair kit youβre in for a shockβ¦
got 15,270 matches instead
But all I could find was 401 matchesβ¦
..and then it dawned on me
The difference was night and day
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit theyβre bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. βIβd like some wings and a pint of beer, please,β it says. βSorry, but I canβt serve you,β the bartender replies. βYouβre out of your head.β
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. βWe donβt serve your kind here,β the bartender says. βWhy not?β one yogurt asks. βWeβre cultured.β
A friend of mine didnβt pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heβs an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and thereβs a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, βWhat are you staring at? Havenβt you ever seen a horse tending bar before?β The guy says, βItβs not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.β
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, βWhatβs with the paper towel?β The pirate says, βArrr! Iβve got a Bounty on me head!β
A turtle is crossing the road when heβs mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, βI donβt know. It all happened so fast.β
Armed robbersβsome say theyβre a drain on society, but youβve got to give it to them.
Barbersβ¦you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Donβt forget the pickle. Itβs kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereβs Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewisβ¦ Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit β‘Which is weird, you think heβd be from mad-at-gas-car.
I was just looking for a lighter, and all they had was 1327 matches.
Michael GooglΓ©
But r/dadjokes specializes in reposters.
He disappeared without a tres.
Because there is no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.
Sure enough, after sailing for another year, he came to the place the enchantress had spoken of and found a trove of coins and medallions, enough to make him wealthy beyond his wildest dreams.
He brought all of it on board his ship and through storms and turmoil returned home with his prize. The assayor at the dock, however, took one look at all of it and told him it was worthless. Dejected, the young man walked away from his ship, and vowed never again to travel in search of his fortune.
"Sad, is it not?" said a friend of the assayor as he watched the young man shuffle away. "Aye," replied the assayor, "yet another victim of the pyrites of the Caribbean."
One morning, his first mate woke him.
βCaptain, the ship wonβt move! The ocean is frozen solid!β
The pirate captain rose from his bed, yawned, and stretched. After a good scratch, he put on his boots and coat, and strode out of his quarters.
As he arrived at the bow of the ship, his men gathered around in nervous anticipation. He pulled out his pocket telescope and took a good, long look around the entire horizon. He collapsed his telescope, placed it back in his pocket, and clasped his hands behind his back. After some time, he tipped his head down toward his first mate and said:
βIce sea.β
Seagull and ready to mingull
And for a brief moment, I was right
So today we had lost the lid for my sonβs toy box and she started singing βIf I were a lid where would I be, if I were a lid today. if I were a lid where would I beβ¦β
And without missing a beat I replied βWell Iβm sure youβd be on it, honey.β
Psychic mediums
It was quite the shin dig.
A ricottaissance mission.
Came up with that one this morning. Sorry if itβs cheesy.
A google-flex.
Denim Denim Denim
you are searching for the pun-chline.
Because it has already located it in the word search puzzle
Me- I meet an interesting person the other day
Her- Oh, ok?
Me- Turns out he runs a school
Her- Not too interesting so far...
Me- But it's a school for protons, neutrons and electrons
Her- umm, sorry, what?
Me- Yeah, but it's the Principal of the matter, you see?
eyeroll intensifies
But I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
But she couldn't find them. Because they're made of hide.
Or is he just showing it to everyone?
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
Turns out I was on the mothership.
I am peachless.
He denied it, but when they searched his truck all of the signs were there.
I think the ones looking high may be on drugs.
By searching for fresh prints!
