If he sampled them for an entire album, it would be a...
Bohemian Rhapsody Bowie mean rap CD
I instantly thought this could affect Hundreds & Thousands...
She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, “where do I drop it off?”
She says, “Go in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -“
“Don’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”
... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
So I gave her the legs
I told him it was the least I could doo
And I said hey check this out, jar jar clinks and I clinked them together.
Two out of three weren't bad.
...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"
(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)
The N’s justify the means.
I just don't give a shit
They had a great piss-cal year
Me: Can I take two if I want three?
I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'
She thought that was pretty funny.
That shit was expensive.
...does that make him a rapscallion?
That shit is expensive.
Cause I want to date you badly
-Ninja Sex Party lyrics
As they say, the n’s justify the means.
I asked her if she was taking the piss
Especially because his name’s Steve.
that's where I drew the line.
There was an olive in it.
He’s really taking the piss
A canon canon cannon
Last week, my grandmother got minor surgery on her eye. When my dad saw her come out with the dressing over her eye he nudged me and said 'Look! Nana got an ipad!'.
He then went up to her and says,'How'd the surgery go Patsy? Or is it Patchy now?'.
I totally laughed my ass off!
Went in to the docs office and told them I wanted to talk shit.
But now they argon.
But on average the temperature was just fine
http://imgur.com/LJ3xoOw
Me: Would you like to try some of our spicy red Thia curried mussels?
Customer: No thanks, We've got plenty of "Muscles" right here. (While pointing at his arms)
I gave him a nice laugh/Groan
And he comes up to me one day and says "Hey Undope! I have this new custard I've been working on, and I think it's my best one yet! Would you like to try it?" And with me being a custard connoisseur, I happily agree, so he takes his sample he has on hand and gives it to me.
I take a bite and take my time, slowly judging the textures and flavors I would expect from a well crafted custard. He becomes mortified as a noticeable wince appears on my face and I struggle a little bit to put down the bite I took.
"Oh my gosh!" he cries. "Do you think it's bad!?"
I shake my head no in response, attempting not to hurt my friend's feelings.
"It's not terrible," I reply. "It's just kinda off-putting."
My father in law is a vegetarian. Apparently at one point he was at the grocery store and a lady there was giving out samples of meatballs or something.
Woman: Would you like a sample?
Father in law: No thanks, I'm a vegetarian.
Woman (not giving up): It's low sodium!
Father in law: Well, I'm still a vegetarian, and I would have to put salt on it.
Wife: "It is arriving tomorrow."
Me: "If you do not like it, can we return it within 30 days?"
Wife: "Yes, why do you ask?"
Me: "Does that make it a stool sample then?"
Wife: "..."
True story, including her lack of enthusiasm for my obviously excellent sense of humor.
I don’t think they like my stool samples.
Is this an example of small sample size?
Me: how was class?
Her: alright we talked about soil. The entire lecture was on soil. How it is made, what contributes to good soil quality. And we learned the twelve categories of soil. Couldn't have been more boring.
Me: boring? Sounds pretty down to earth to me.
Her: haha that's was ridiculous
Me: what, should of I went with a dirtier joke?
