Torque appropriated circumstances call for -in kind- repeat applied force when concerned with most of yer dried and salted pork products and jovial responses.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
When choosing between salted and unsalted butter,
There's no margarine for error
If you've gotten the email about salted, processed, canned meat; do not open it.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.
I love salt jokes...
They’re just sodium funny
If you have the soldiers named Salt and Pepper in your squad then consider yourself lucky.
They're seasoned veterans
When asked if he had family in Salt Lake City, Robert de Niro replied,
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
So proud of my daughter for this one... "Why do fishes swim in salt water?"
Because pepper would make them sneeze!
She's six. She's awesome.
EDIT: Woo highest rated post, thanks to my kid. Also, I never said she wrote it! She just told it to me. So there.
What’s the difference between a molecule of table salt and the late Sean Connery?
One has an ionic bond. The other was the iconic Bond.
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin, to draw out excess moisture....
I heard a salt joke the other day.
I was jogging and got sprayed by a salting truck
I called the police station and said I was assaulted.
Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?
From Crackhead Craigslist
A salt with a deadly weapon!
Proud Dad Moment
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said “I guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁
Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎
WARNING: There is an email going around offering processed pork, Gelatin and salt in a can. If you get this email DO NOT OPEN
Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?
Judge - Yes, that's assault!
Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray?
He was a seasoned veteran!
Son: There's no salt on this. Mom: Well, it's hard to see salt.
Dad: But can you table salt?
Mom: I don't know, let's discuss that next time.
Edit: To be honest I'm a little salty about the bland reaction this dad/mom joke got :)
What did the angry salt say to the rest of the spices?
I was supposed to go to a salt n pepa concert next week
Unfortunately, due to the coronavirus they had to push it
Wife: We are out of salt.
I used to get heartburn whenever I ate birthday cake...
... until the doctor told me to take the candles off first!
Happy cake day to meeeeee!
I work in a kitchen and my colleague threw a satchet of salt at me and said
You’ve just been a-salted
I threw a Duracell at someone's head the other day and it cracked his skull
I was arrested and charged with battery
Son, take the bible with a grain of salt...
... hence, don't take it as gospel.
Next time you see a packet of salt at a restaurant, throw it at your friend.
Then say, “That’s a salt!”
How did salt’s friend survive the apocalypse
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because, pepper water makes them sneeze.
Two pretzels walk down the street.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Two peanuts walk into a bar...
I was supposed to go to a salt an pepa concert last week
Unfortunately, due to lockdown, they had to push it
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because they would sneeze in pepper water!
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze
One day, two peanuts were walking down the street.
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