My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday
That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was her birthday
I was peacefully eating my Chinese soup, until a guy came out of nowhere and flipped the bowl, spilling my soup everywhere and ruining my meal.
This was an act of wonton destruction.
My wife said that videogames were ruining our marriage
My girlfriend told me that she was tired of ED ruining our sex life.
I finally put a lock on the door to keep him from barging in.
I love ruining the plot of Dorian Gray for people
TIFU by ruining my nieces knitted sweater...
Dad was accused of ruining a family portrait
But he swore he was framed.
Ruining friendships one dad joke at a time.
>Driving past a fancy looking building under construction.
Friend: What is that?
Me: ...looks like a building...
And that's how I got thrown out of a moving vehicle.
Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
I hate working for what I want. Capitalism has ruined everything. Every time I dip my pen in the company ink, nine months later my wife hires a new employee.
What is the worst way to ruin a joke?
Christmas is ruined!
I've just seen Chris Rea get off a train
How do you call a country where everyone discriminates each other?
When I dropped my top-of-the-line Microsoft laptop on the asphalt, I figured it was ruined
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
Sorry to ruin your day
What is the difference between a weasel and a stoat?
A weasel is weasely wecognized and a stoat is stoatilly different
Why are all archeologists depressed?
Because their lives are in ruins
Did Covid-19 ruin your plans for 2020?
If so, then just wait for 2022.
Because 2022 is 2020 too.
What do you call the thing which ruins the ending of a movie?
Why do cows never play chess?
Because they can’t make any mooooooooove
A dad joke...what else do we put here?
Wife: You ruined my birthday
Me: Impossible, I don't even know when your birthday is
What did the new crematorium say about the grave digger?
I’m about to ruin this man’s hole career.
Dinner is ruined. I've peed all over the floor
My mom's personalized number plate says "IS♥️ED" and we always believed that it was short for "Is Loved." But then my dad had to ruin it for us all when he said it meant:
A man went to the doctor with a steering wheel down his pants
The doctor asked, "Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants?"
The man said, "I dunno, but it's driving me nuts!"
How to ruin The Witcher for your kids while enjoying it more yourself
🎵Toss a coin to your Witcher, a friend to a manatee🎵
Depressed = not pressed (sorry if that ruined the joke but last time I posted this nobody got it)
My Indian friend was making flatbread kebabs in an iron skillet and ruined a whole batch
Should have used the naan-stick pan instead
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness"
All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
Why did the archeologist have to get a new job?
Because her career was in ruins!
I used to be a people's person..
...but people ruined it for me.
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead sirius.
My camping trip to the beautiful country of Iceland was ruined by a pack of wild dogs
They just wouldn’t stop Björking
Don’t bother being cute, I’ll just ruin it
I really wanted to watch Fast and the Furious, but the spoilers ruined it for me.
This sub used to be great, but now it’s ruined.
https://imgur.com/gallery/87MbnGu
She fell in love with an archeologist
Her future in now in ruins
If your plans are ruined this 2020 because of Coronavirus, save it for 2022
What do you call the thing which ruins the ending of a movie?
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday
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