I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes
My 4-year-old got crumbs in his eye and started rubbing his eye. He said it didn't hurt much and I said "Oh, so it's just a little irritating?"
He said "No, it's eye-itating."
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
A month before my father died he started rubbing lard onto his body
At which point he started to go downhill pretty fast
I stood, rubbing a piece of plywood that was leaning against the wall, waiting for someone to notice.
“What are you doing, dad?”
I sigh a long, heavy sigh.
“Not much, just feeling board.”
I caught my son rubbing banana peels all over him. At first, I was worried. Then I realized it.
He was going to be all ripe.
A little boy watched, fascinated as his mother gently massaged cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing that on your face, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful!" said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you giving up?"
I was going to study the art of treating the body by rubbing and kneading my wife's body to stimulate circulation...
But then I found out that would be massage-ony.
First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...
Every clod has a silver lining.
What do you call two oranges rubbing together?
I was rubbing a lamp containing fermented soya beans and suddenly a mythical creature popped up and started making sexist remarks against women.
How might one feel after popping a balloon that had been rubbing against their hair?
My grandfather got very ill, so we tried rubbing lard on his back
He went downhill very quickly after that.
Waitress rubbing their eye: "I've got something in my eye"
My Dad: "I just saw it... it was your finger!"
A dad at another table approved with his chuckle, and will likely use it himself someday.
I am finally rubbing off on her.
I am engaged to a fine lady who is slowly learning the wonder that are dad jokes. I work at a company that makes fans and today I just got a text from her telling me to "Have a FAN-tastic day!"
I'm rubbing off on my wife
After my wife came home from the gym she told me that she got to wear her new work-out clothes.
I said, "Oh yeah, how did they do for you?"
She replied, "They worked out," followed by a slowly growing smirk as she maintained eye contact.
My dad's jokes are rubbing off on me
Mom: I'm tired of all these yellow jackets coming in the house!
Me: I guess the weather will get colder and they will wish they were yellow coats instead
My girlfriend dropped this one on me. I'm definitely rubbing off on her.
My dad jokes have been rubbing off on my wife.
We were unloading the dishwasher and she accidentally hit me in the but with a dish. I said, I always knew you were kinky. Her reply, "Yep, I used to have a perm."
I regret rubbing eyes with ketchup
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes.
But that's Heinz sight for you.
If you need to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, make sure they’re the same...
Then you’ll have a match...
If you need to start a fire by rubbing sticks together, make sure they are the same.
Then you'll have a match.
I really regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes last night...
that's Heinz sight for you.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
As my son was heading out to go camping, I advised him, "If you need to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, make sure they’re the same."
"Then you’ll have a match!"
LPT: If you need to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, make sure they’re the same.
Then you’ll have a match.
Rubbing my eye
Me: "There's something in my eye."
Dad: "It's your finger."
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