Have you heard about the new opera that Johann Strauss wrote, it is called
Die Flederballs
I hear it ran on a hamstring budget.
(rimshot).
It’s around Lukewarm!
But her aim is getting better.
Baa dum tsss
I'm just not sure about this Dr. Acula.
They have no overhead!
While talking about cars he says : 'Why do chicken coups have two doors? Because if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan. " <rimshot>
when I got there they only had one left but refused to sell it to me!
My wife is reading a list of potential migraine triggers to me (we're trying to figure out what my triggers are; I'm a recent sufferer).
She asks me if I've ever taken an MAOI since, "They discovered that people who took them in the 50's have issues with tyramines [a known migraine trigger]."
I told her, "No, I've never taken one." She asks, "Are you sure?"
I say, "I'm sure, plus I wasn't alive in the 50's." rimshot
I look at my 11 y/o daughter and say, "Dad joke?"
She asks, "Did you say Dad joke or bad joke?"
I respond, "Isn't that the same thing?"
It's good to be king.
So having just seen this subreddit, I realize that my dad makes dad jokes too!
Here's some examples!
Whenever I / my sister would fall, or crash into something. Like, say, I fell on the floor
Me: Owww! Dad! I fell on the floor!
Dad: Oh no! Is the floor alright?!
(ba dum chhh!)
My sister's name is Helga, which can also translate to weekend in Norwegian
Dad: Question.
Helga: Yeah?
Dad: What are you doing in the weekend, weekend?
(ba dum bow-bow kachika-wow chhh!!)
Dad and me are avid fishers, so we've gone on fishing-trips in the nearby fjord, my dad is the type who buys the most expensive gear and fancies himself a bit of an expert
Dad: Say, let's make this interesting, let's have a fishing competition!
Me: Okay!
later that day I had gotten by far the most and biggest catches
Me: Hah, I won dad!
Dad: No, no. We weren't fishing about the most fish caught, the winner was the one with the least fish! I won!
(ba chinka dinga ka pow, bow dow kow!!!)
... Okay, so maybe the last one wasn't much of a joke, though. Hope you enjoyed the dadly jokes.
My band had a performance yesterday. We have three saxophone players. One of plays only Alto saxophone, one of them alternates between playing Alto, Tenor and Baritone saxophone and the last plays both Tenor and Baritone saxophone.
The second two kept swapping each other's instruments or one of the other saxophones they had in the background. So at one point we had to wait for them to change while the rest of us were all ready to start playing the next song.
So, trying to make it less awkward for the audience I turn to them and I says 'I'm sorry, they're just playing ... Musical Instruments'
There was a collective groan/laugh from the audience and the drummer went ba-dum-tish And the trumpeter gave me a little wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaah
I'm still giggling about it.
Wife: "Do you know Trevor Wang?"
My 9 year old son Xavier: "You mean Trevor Wong? Yeah, he's a trouble maker."
Wife: "Trevor? No he's not, he's a good kid."
Me: "I think Xavier's right and Trevor's Wong."
rimshot
I actually got a laugh. I'm gonna savor this time while my son still likes my dad jokes.
Background: Wife and I took our son to his 1 month pediatrician appointment yesterday, where the only minor issue she noted was a slight flattening on the left side of his head because he likes to look one way instead of the other. Hilarity ensued when we got home.
Wife: "If we're not careful, our son is going to have to wear one of those special helmets because he'll have a flat head."
Me: "Then I guess it's a good thing we didn't name him Phillip!"
/cue rimshot
Dad joke at 1:16 complete with rimshot, but you should probably watch the first 1:15 to get the full effect.
