2 parts to a brain...The left side and a right side.
On the left side, there's nothing right.
On the right side, there's nothing left.
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 03 2021
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. βYou need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,β I told her. βDo you mow the whole yard in one direction.β
βWhy?β she asked.
βBecause thatβs what makes it beautiful.β
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
π︎ 19
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︎ Sep 01 2020
The baby sheep got out of their pen and I impulsively grabbed a sheep with my right hand and a sheep with my left...
I guess I'm just lambidextrous...
I'll show y'all to the door.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 09 2020
My cousin got into a car accident and lost his entire left side, he kept saying he was all right but I didnt believe him so he just kept yelling at me.
'Stuff was completely one-sided
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 11 2020
Son: Dad, why is it called Right and Left?
Dad: Well son, back when I was a boy your Right hand was the right one to use, and if you didn't then your Left hand was the only one left.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 06 2020
My alt-left and alt-right friends needed some space between them.
π︎ 2k
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︎ May 24 2017
Iβm debating whether to write βYESβ on my left hand and βNOβ on my right hand.
I mean, on the one hand, yes, but on the other hand, no.
π︎ 123
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︎ Apr 30 2019
What do you have if you have a snowball in your right and a snowball in your left hand?
Frosty's full and undivided attention!
π︎ 41
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︎ Apr 09 2019
You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the merry-go-round!
π︎ 26
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︎ Apr 27 2019
If right is left and up is down..
Go to options and change your controller settings
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 24 2019
Son: βDad, are you alright?β Dad: βNo, Iβm half left and half right.β Happy Father's day!
π︎ 20
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︎ Jun 16 2019
Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...
Turns out he was a shit driver..
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 02 2019
Have you heard about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? It's ok, he's all right now.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 05 2019
and If she cuts her left hand her right hand is left...
π︎ 35
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︎ Mar 18 2018
Why do men wear their watches on the left and women wear it on the right?
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 04 2019
I lost my left foot and my right foot
I'm stumped as to why I'm feeling so defeated....I still have a leg to stand on but a little short on enthusiasm.
π︎ 5
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︎ May 04 2019
"Doctor, when I drink coffee there's a pain in my left eye and when I drink tea there's a pain in my right eye."
Dr: "Have you tried taking the spoon out of the mug?"
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 15 2019
You know what supports women left and right?
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 14 2019
The Red House is 4th from the left, and the Blue House is 8th from the right. Where's the White House?
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 25 2019
What do you have if you have 3 oranges and 4 apples in your left hand and 4 oranges and 3 apples in your right hand?
π︎ 25
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︎ Jan 19 2017
My speech professor gives dad jokes left and right
>What is a paraphrase?
^two ^phrases^hahaha
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 13 2013
You have 2 parts to a brain...Left and Right...
In the left side, there's nothing right and in the right side, there's nothing left.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
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