2 parts to a brain...The left side and a right side.

On the left side, there's nothing right.

On the right side, there's nothing left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. β€œYou need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. β€œDo you mow the whole yard in one direction.”

β€œWhy?” she asked.

β€œBecause that’s what makes it beautiful.”

Oh, the eye roll on this kid.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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The baby sheep got out of their pen and I impulsively grabbed a sheep with my right hand and a sheep with my left...

I guess I'm just lambidextrous...

I'll show y'all to the door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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My cousin got into a car accident and lost his entire left side, he kept saying he was all right but I didnt believe him so he just kept yelling at me.

'Stuff was completely one-sided

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unspecified_bagel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Son: Dad, why is it called Right and Left?

Dad: Well son, back when I was a boy your Right hand was the right one to use, and if you didn't then your Left hand was the only one left.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apprehensive_Unit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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My alt-left and alt-right friends needed some space between them.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beglat
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2017
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I’m debating whether to write β€œYES” on my left hand and β€œNO” on my right hand.

I mean, on the one hand, yes, but on the other hand, no.

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrgeekXD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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What do you have if you have a snowball in your right and a snowball in your left hand?

Frosty's full and undivided attention!

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeerBearBar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get off the merry-go-round!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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If right is left and up is down..

Go to options and change your controller settings

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Son: β€œDad, are you alright?” Dad: β€œNo, I’m half left and half right.” Happy Father's day!
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gauravvaria93
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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Just witnessed a septic cleaning truck use the left lane for a right turn, using no signal, and then proceeded to drive 10 miles under the speed limit...

Turns out he was a shit driver..

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluecaddy5000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Have you heard about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? It's ok, he's all right now.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpagetthiSam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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and If she cuts her left hand her right hand is left...
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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Why do men wear their watches on the left and women wear it on the right?

to check the time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shahzadafzal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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I lost my left foot and my right foot

I'm stumped as to why I'm feeling so defeated....I still have a leg to stand on but a little short on enthusiasm.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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"Doctor, when I drink coffee there's a pain in my left eye and when I drink tea there's a pain in my right eye."

Dr: "Have you tried taking the spoon out of the mug?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShibbleNibble
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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You know what supports women left and right?

Bras!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/talakhangtien
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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The Red House is 4th from the left, and the Blue House is 8th from the right. Where's the White House?

Washington, D.C.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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What do you have if you have 3 oranges and 4 apples in your left hand and 4 oranges and 3 apples in your right hand?

Big hands

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuddaMudda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
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My speech professor gives dad jokes left and right

>What is a paraphrase? ^two ^phrases^hahaha

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yunotxgirl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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You have 2 parts to a brain...Left and Right...

In the left side, there's nothing right and in the right side, there's nothing left.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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