How many people can ride on a toucan?
None, theyβre way too small to carry a person
(this was actually a joke my 6 yo son told me last night, the dad joke force is strong with him)
ποΈ 29
π
οΈ Feb 02 2023
Why do Buddhists ride on helicopters?
Because when they fly they go BUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDABUDDA
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Nov 19 2022
What do kids listen to when they go on a weekend joy ride?
Saturday morning car tunes
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Nov 04 2022
I broke up with my girlfriend on a ride at the fair.
It was an emotional rollercoaster.
ποΈ 118
π
οΈ Jun 13 2022
That weird middle eastern guy insisted on giving me a ride home
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Oct 02 2022
I brought 2 bottles of mouthwash on my submarine ride.
In case they needed a pair oβ Scope.
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Jul 20 2022
Back in my day we had to fly those bombs to the target. They didn't ride on these fancy rockets.
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Mar 05 2022
Just thought of this one.... What land vehicle do clumsy pirates ride on?
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jan 28 2022
Just made this up on the ride into work (sorry in advance).... In order to get their degree, dermatologists need some:
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Feb 01 2022
I got on a theme park ride yesterday. First it was scary, then I laughed, then I cried and before it finished, I screamed.
It was an emotional rollercoaster.
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Sep 26 2021
When the cowboys said that they needed someone to ride drag on the cattle drive, I volunteered.
But, why was I the only one wearing a dress?
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Dec 15 2021
I bought an electric rhino to ride on last week
But the batteries on it are terrible. Keeps on needing to charge.
Has it's own horn though.
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Oct 27 2021
What is the best fruit to eat on a ride?
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Oct 11 2021
Certified Dad Joke: I went on a bike ride with my father-in-law, whose in much better shape.
At the first rest stop, I tell him I'm going to take my bike to the mechanic. There's something wrong with my bike because I keep pedaling harder and it's not going much faster. π
The next rest stop, my father-in-law says the same thing to a guy riding as "bike support." His response: π
BOOM! Ladies and gentlemen, I earned my Certified Dad Joke badge. Good enough for Jedi Grandad!
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Oct 17 2021
Apu and his family went on a bike ride.
It was known as the Nahasapeema-peloton.
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ May 31 2020
What do you need to ride on when you say good bye to a king?
A bike. Because you say bye King.
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jan 31 2021
Hereβs a simple guide on how to ride an escalator.
ποΈ 88
π
οΈ Jan 19 2019
Giving my one year old boy a shoulder ride when I lifted him up and put him on my head...
Turned to the wife and said "Do you like what I'm wearing?" (Lulling her into a false sense of security)
She smiles at me, blissfully unaware of my setup and thinking I'm just being cute.
"It's a son-hat." I say with a grin.
The groan she gave me told me I had done well.
ποΈ 428
π
οΈ Aug 21 2016
Did you hear about the guy who tried to ride a bike on the summit of Mt Everest?
It started out well but then things went downhill pretty fast.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Dec 30 2017
Did you know if you let a porpoise beat you at cards it'll give you a ride on its back?
You can win pretty easily if you want to but it defeats the porpoise
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Aug 22 2018
I didn't believe it when someone said they can ride a bike on one wheel, but it turns out...
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jun 20 2019
My fingers always go numb on the ride into work
Pretty sure it's carpool tunnel syndrome
ποΈ 22
π
οΈ Sep 15 2018
I'm sure that we can all agree that a horse's back is a good thing to ride on.
A crocodile's back, on the other hand, really isn't a good thing to ride on.
But an elephant's back? Well... that's a grey area.
ποΈ 15
π
οΈ Sep 08 2015
A man with a chicken takes a cab to the airport. Upon arrival, the cabbie insisted on taking the chicken as payment for the ride.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 27 2019
What did the guy standing in the freezing cold waiting on a ride say?
Ooh brr.
(I literally made this joke up tonight and I'm a Dad)
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Nov 17 2016
I had a bet with this guy I just met on who got the fastest ride
Just so you know, heβs Carlos.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Mar 01 2019
So my dad and I stopped next to a cemetery getting ready to go on a dirtbike ride...
Me: "A cemetery... huh?"
Dad: "Yep. I guess you could say people are dying to get here."
Me: "sdjfiojsdiofajdiafjioadsjf" slowly dies inside
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Jan 04 2018
I went on a theme park ride covered in smiley faces the other day.
It was a rollercoaster of emoticons.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Sep 21 2017
Turns ot the busts on the haunted mansion ride at Disneyland don't actually look at you. They're just carved into the wall.
ποΈ 26
π
οΈ Dec 27 2016
Wanna take a ride on this lift?
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Apr 18 2014
So I'm on a ride along with my dad when hits me with this
My dad is a cop and im riding with him today. We drive past a cemetary and I ask "Do you spend alot of time in there?"
"Not really, but some people are just dying to get in there."
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ Jul 16 2014
I was out for a group ride and my friend noticed I never got out of the saddle on climbs
He said βI havenβt seen you get out of the saddle once in the last 30 miles, are you hatching an egg down there or something?β And I said βYou know, if you keep giving me crap about this, I wonβt stand for it!β
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Jan 28 2018
My wife wanted me to take her on a motorcycle ride.
I told her I was two tired
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Jul 07 2017
Dadjoked on bike ride. Stated to wife that I thought the house we were passing was a tudor.
The guy was just coming out of the garage (which has three doors) And says, "No it's a three door".
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ May 17 2015
My mom suggested to my dad and brother that they go on a bike ride...
Dad: I dunno, I'm kinda tired
Bro: Yeah, I don't think I could handle that right now
Dad: I think we've already spoken about this
Bro: Give me a brake, dad
Dad: What, you can't keep the chain of puns going?
Bro: I can kick it into a higher gear
Dad: I might have to reflect on your puns for a minute
Bro: As long as you don't tread over any of my good ones
Dad: Wheel see how long you can keep this up
Me: Hey, I like...bikes
Dad: ΰ² _ΰ²
Bro: ΰ² _ΰ²
Mom: β_β
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Aug 04 2015
On a long car ride
My family was in the car for several hours and my younger sister says"Dad I can't hold it"
My dad replies "Hold what?"
Sister "My pee, can we stop"
Dad "me either it just slips through my fingers"
wow
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Oct 02 2014
My wife said, of RideLondon participants, "I can ride faster than that on my bike in the garage"
I replied, you won't get very far in the garage
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Aug 02 2015
My dad told me this on a long car ride years ago.
>Dad: We just ran over a dickfer.
>Me: What's a dickfer?
>Dad: Peein'
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Mar 14 2015
I was really cold on my bike ride to work this morning...
Then I realized I was listening to chill music. I turned it off and was instantly warmer.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jan 03 2014
Hereβs a step by step guide on how to ride an escalator.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Aug 03 2019
Going on a 30 mile bike ride
Me: did you fix the brake on my bike?
Dad: Give me a break!
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Sep 21 2013
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