Since 53 states is a prime number
He told me it's great at preventing Hispanic attacks.
And those my friends are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Almost 10 years ago now when my daughter’s mom was pregnant with her—waddling miserably towards the tail-end of her third trimester and about ready to pop—she looked forlornly at her figure in the mirror one day and announced, “Omigod I’m as big as a house!”
And so I, the Rico Suave motherfucker that I am, popped my head up from the book I was reading on the bed and responded thusly without missing a beat:
“Well, baby girl, if you’re a house then you’re my dream home...”
I thought our relationship was my rock on which we would build one hundred stories, but there were termites in the foundation. Unfortunately she ultimately turned out to be a mobile home that couldn’t stay tethered to a single lot for more than a few years at a time as, a short time later, she up-and-skedaddled from our lives and has been a deadbeat mom to our little girl ever since. (My daughter and I built a beautiful, cozy little bungalow-for-two anyways.)
Anyway, does that qualify as a pun, or just an extended metaphor? If not, sorry, I just always thought that was a good line and I wanted to humble-brag a bit.
Especially Pu'ehr-to Rico
Reading a TIL post to a group while chatting after dinner "there are more Puerto Ricans in the USA than there are in Puerto Rico" Dad says "it's the same with Ireland" Me "what more Irish in the US than---" Dad "yea than there are in Puerto Rico" God dammit...
My housemate was talking about her upcoming trip to Puerto Rico and saying that she had to transfer flights in San Juan.
"But why would you continue after San Juan?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what they say, when you've San Juan, you've seen 'em all!" Chuckles to self for the next five minutes
So I'm visiting Puerto Rico with my family (dad, mom, sister and I). One of the main attractions in San Juan is the Capitol building. After walking around for a while, I had to go to the bathroom. This is the exchange that ensued:
Me: Have you seen any bathrooms nearby?
Dad: Nope, no bathrooms around here.
Me: Ummm, why not?
Dad: Because all politicians are full of shit!
Groans were had all around
