Apparently a town in South Wales is having greater lockdown restrictions imposed on it....

.....and it wouldn't have happened if people there had done things more Caerphilly.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KCL80
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
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With summer almost here ond COVID-19 putting restrictions everywhere, please remember that you can't run through a campground.

You can only ran, because it's past tents.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dabiker68
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2020
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Mikhail Gorbachev started an anti-alcohol campaign in USSR in 1980s. People went crazy because of the restrictions on selling of alcohol. An old Soviet joke went like this:

β€œA disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for vodka, decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for vodka.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OtsuKotsu
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2020
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How did mathematicians get around restrictions of prohibition?

They drank their root beer out of square cups!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ArisThotHole
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2020
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How to make a dad joke monument

Step 1: build a huge water restricting wall Step 2: call it the "i don't give a"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ichhalt159753
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2020
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Why did the writer go into a restricted area?

Because she’s an authorized person

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2019
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Cardboard cut out puns

Fathers day dinner tonight for my dad and my sister and family can't be there because of travel restrictions. I've organised life size cardboard cut outs of them and had my sister record a few dad jokes/puns. But I need help coming up with more ... the best, worst and cringiest are all welcome!

So far I have..
"I'm feeling a little flat"

"I'm board ... cardboard"

"You'd think my ears are painted on, You'll have to speak up"

"Can you believe someone told me I had the personality of cardboard"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NeishaJane
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2020
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The all you can eat seafood buffet had restrictions I didn’t know about :/

I should have read the crab clause

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/garboooge
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2019
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What's the difference between a restriction and a line of people waiting to stroke my cat?

One's a curfew

The other's a fur queue

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 31 2018
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Atheists are just people without deitary restrictions.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 73
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lostinservice
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2015
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I’ve decided to stop doing hot yoga due to dietary restrictions...

I’ve switched to frozen yoga

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GingerManBearPig
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16 2018
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I quit my diet with a lot of restrictions.

Now I paradoxically have less on my plate

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/player_owkay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2018
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My grandad always said: "When one door closes, another one opens"...

...Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

πŸ“· Removed - Punchline in title

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DrGonzoDog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2020
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I never learned when to properly use contractions but that is ok

it's what it's

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2019
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My dad just texted me this:

During this time of a quarantine, please restrict your jokes to "inside" jokes only.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sprout1319
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2020
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Before my surgery, my anesthesiologist gave me the choice of being knocked out by gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2019
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Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

If it had four doors, it'd be a chicken sedan.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FoxyGramps
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2017
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Just got my wife at the Target

So I just had surgery and one of my restrictions is that I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs. Was at the Target today with the wife to return a lamp that she had purchased but then decided she didn't like. She parked the SUV and I opened the back to carry the lamp on the store. She said "What are you doing? You aren't supposed to lift anything!" I replied, "But it's light!"

Got the triple whammy. The groan, eye roll, and disgusted walk away from me and into the store. Had to carry the lamp, but it was worth it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 350
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Charles_Foxtrot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2015
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Elevator gem I found today reddit.com/r/mildlyintere…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pieceofcheese87
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2014
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Dad said this at a Japanese restaurant a few nights ago

So my family and I were out to dinner a few nights ago and I was talking about how in Japan the restrictions on Kobe beef are different from the rest of the world, so when you order it in many restaurants you're not actually eating Kobe beef. My dad's response to this was that it wasn't actually "Kobe beef" but "LeBron beef".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/canucksoul
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2014
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Our table in the foyer used to have a dolphin statue on it

Dad: in case you're missing some sunglasses, I found some in my car after you borrowed it. Me: thanks! Dad: I'll leave them on the "dolphin" table... Dolphin not included. Certain other restrictions may apply, etc.

I love my dad. :)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/delsol10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2014
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