Restricting Puns

.....and it wouldn't have happened if people there had done things more Caerphilly.

You can only ran, because it's past tents.

“A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for vodka, decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for vodka.”

They drank their root beer out of square cups!

Step 1: build a huge water restricting wall Step 2: call it the "i don't give a"

Because she’s an authorized person

Fathers day dinner tonight for my dad and my sister and family can't be there because of travel restrictions. I've organised life size cardboard cut outs of them and had my sister record a few dad jokes/puns. But I need help coming up with more ... the best, worst and cringiest are all welcome!

So far I have..
"I'm feeling a little flat"

"I'm board ... cardboard"

"You'd think my ears are painted on, You'll have to speak up"

"Can you believe someone told me I had the personality of cardboard"

I should have read the crab clause

One's a curfew

The other's a fur queue

I’ve switched to frozen yoga

Now I paradoxically have less on my plate

...Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

📷 Removed - Punchline in title

it's what it's

During this time of a quarantine, please restrict your jokes to "inside" jokes only.

It was an ether/oar situation.

If it had four doors, it'd be a chicken sedan.

So I just had surgery and one of my restrictions is that I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs. Was at the Target today with the wife to return a lamp that she had purchased but then decided she didn't like. She parked the SUV and I opened the back to carry the lamp on the store. She said "What are you doing? You aren't supposed to lift anything!" I replied, "But it's light!"

Got the triple whammy. The groan, eye roll, and disgusted walk away from me and into the store. Had to carry the lamp, but it was worth it.

So my family and I were out to dinner a few nights ago and I was talking about how in Japan the restrictions on Kobe beef are different from the rest of the world, so when you order it in many restaurants you're not actually eating Kobe beef. My dad's response to this was that it wasn't actually "Kobe beef" but "LeBron beef".

Dad: in case you're missing some sunglasses, I found some in my car after you borrowed it. Me: thanks! Dad: I'll leave them on the "dolphin" table... Dolphin not included. Certain other restrictions may apply, etc.

I love my dad. :)