Renditions Puns

It's the dad edition.

Because it's tearable!

I know this is not original (plenty of renditions out there), but my 8 year old made it up herself. So not only is it original to her, she made my day.

There once was a lumberjack who was known as the hardest working lumberjack in the woods. Old Doolittle Dawort Deigh had a reputation and the complete respect of his coworkers for nearly 60 years. As we all know, tough lumberjacks can’t have sissy names. So many years ago, as was the tradition in the woods, old Doolittle Dawort Deigh was saddled with a nickname and had become known as simply Do Dah.

One tragic afternoon, old Do Dah was working his trade when a tree happened to fall the wrong way. Poor old Do Dah was squished flatter than a lumberjack flapjack. His coworkers, distraught at the thought of breaking the news of Do Dah’s death to his elderly wife, decided that perhaps if bad news was presented in a somewhat good way, it might soften the blow.

So that afternoon, old Do Dah’s fellow lumberjacks gathered on the stoop of the now widowed Mrs. Deigh and hesitantly knocked on the door. It took a few minutes for the old widow to make it across the room to the door. Finally as the door creaked open, the chorus of lumberjacks launched into a rousing rendition of

♪ Guess who died in the woods today ♫ Do Dah, Do Dah. ♫ Guess who died in the woods today Old Do Dah Deigh. ♬

We love Knock knock jokes at dinner. My wife's favorite was Knock knock, who's there, butter, butter who? Butter let me in I gotta poop! The day finally came for my 5 year old daughter to tell it and this was her rendition... Knock knock, who's there, Butter, butter who? Butter me up, I gotta poop!!!

I had steak cooking outside on the grill and when I came back out after a couple of minutes, I found the grill had caught on fire and flames were doing a nice char-grilled number on the meat.

Cue me bursting into full rendition of Alicia Keys' recent song, "This grill is on fire...."

Daughters, wife and mother-in-law were disappointingly unimpressed.

First grade, I'm in the school play because, well, every one was. I can sing, always have been pretty good at it, so they gave me the job of playing Sebastian in our Little Mermaid rendition. We're singing "Under the Sea" and I look out to the audience to see my dad, in the front row, making the biggest, puffiest fish face his head will physically allow. I haven't done much acting since then.