Remotely Puns

If anyone hassles me, they can expect a nasty letter.

I mean it should at least be brown and smell terrible or something

Czech mate!

he would have died as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amazed by how the doctor showed up exactly when he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish Inn Physician

So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.

I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed “yes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.

When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...

Same ssh -t different server...

Now that I'm far away, I should train back home.

Is working occassionally.

Coworker #2: I hope our anti-virus software is up to the task so you do not infect the rest of us!

Me: He must have caught that new Intel but that's going around.

Based on a true story.

I told them to go to my website.

Boss: I'm going to put Tom's cell phone up on the whiteboard.

Me: I don't think he'd like that, maybe you should just put his number

He was charged with battery.

You could say it’s the home stretch

I said, “This changes everything!”

I thought to myself "well this changes everything."

It was a missionary position.

"Checked behind the sofa?" she asked.

"What are you talking about?" I replied. "It's a plain wall..."

Not even remotely

It clicked

Oh romeote oh romeote, where for art thou romeote

When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely funny.

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Try and find the TV island it belongs to.

When she realized it she was out of control.

Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.

It was super delayed. The system may be heavy by a high Xi Ji-PING

This changes everything

Turns out I'm not remotely funny.

A man washes up on a remote island after a shipwreck. The native tribe is kind and they hail him as an honored guest, present him with a wooden throne and throw a banquet in his honor. After the banquet, he takes his throne back to the grass hut the tribe built for him and goes to sleep. That night, there's a windstorm and his grass hut and the throne are blown away. The moral of this story is "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones".

The company I work for was having their annual Christmas party, but this time on Zoom for obvious reasons, and they asked me to host. I panicked as I had no idea how I would keep the crowds' spirits high. So I came to this sub and used a lot of you guys' dad jokes. Being a dad myself I thought it would work out. And it did! Your jokes killed! I just wanted to say a sincere thank you to all the submissions on this sub. The jokes on here are gold.

Because all they do is press paws.

"Sorry for the sickness. Get well soon" - I said to them

I told her to stop, I work remote

they are always in a remote location

he became a Skerryvore

I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter... A remote location.

Me: Correction, I keep putting the remote in "remote" places. That's where it belongs right?

I got a eye roll and a sigh, score.

My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"

She then left the room, cackling.

or remotely working?

Not even remotely.

This changes everything

"This changes everything"

I thought to myself, "This changes everything"