It’s a timeless piece, really.
[Redacted]
You poke em on! Am I relevant yet?
A couple of nights ago my girlfriend and I spotted a white jackrabbit in the field near our house. We noticed one again tonight on our drive home:
Girlfriend: Hey look, it's the Easter bunny.
Me: Huh, pretty sure that's the same jackrabbit from the other night.
Girlfriend: Can't be a jackrabbit, its ears are way too small.
Me: We're clearly just splitting hares here, babe.
It took a second, but she responded with the desired groan and the "you're an idiot" face push-away. Victory.
They 8-2 much
Germane
https://imgur.com/a/7MkkaPN
The judge ruled the evidence was all ear-relevant.
But it's growing on me
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/dad-joke-u
The cop says "Why weren't you braking back there?"
And the man replies "I'm wearing clean underwear."
The cop says "Why is that relevant?"
And the man says "Well, I don't wanna get any skidmarks."
http://pvponline.com/comic/2014/10/01/involuntary-reflux
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3473#comic
I just watched the movie "Airplane", and the more I think about it, the more I realize that It's packed with dad jokes. The smoking ticket, the "drinking problem"... It's basically dad jokes the movie.
I understand my field to a degree
Cashew
My buddy and I were texting a few days ago. He was complaining about the power at his place being out again (relevant, he’s lost power a few times already this winter season). Our exchange went like this:
Him: How about electricity? Wind storm knocked ours out around noon.
Me: No electricity? That’s not shocking.
I couldn’t help myself.
would she be Prague-nant?
I walked into the kitchen wearing a new orange t-shirt.
Me: I wasn't sure I'd look good in orange, but I really like this new shirt.
Dad: You know, I heard orange is the new black.
Me: That's a TV show.
Dad: Oh, that makes so much more sense.
"Who doesn't enjoy boobs?" "They're alright." "No, half of them are left."
De-composing
Because he wanted quackers with his soup.
When I was a kid, my favourite thing ever was tractors. It was my first word, my first toy, I had posters of them on my bedroom walls and I loved to draw them too. Unfortunately with age I don’t quite have the same amount of passion nowadays. This all became relevant recently as there was this house fire on my street last week. My instincts told me to enter the house to save the family inside as the Fire Service hadn’t arrived yet. I was able to break down a door and actually clear all of the smoke from the house saving everyone inside. I escorted them out to be greeted by the Fireman who had just arrived. Puzzled, they asked how on earth I was able to clear all the smoke. I simply replied “I’m an extractor fan”.
I know this isn’t entirely relevant to the subreddit, but I’m not sure where else to ask. Can someone think of a pun to combine Christmas and Pirates, ideally one that could be used as a team name?
"He's been acting real depressed," explained the gardener. "He just lays in the garden day after day, letting out these really sad sighs... "
"I see," replied the vet. "What do you grow?"
"This season it's cantaloupe, but I don't see how that's relevant."
The vet nodded knowingly and replied, "Well, that explains it-- he's a Melon Collie."
Cantaloupe
(This joke is low hanging fruit, but I'll take it anyway.)
Dad walks about of the pantry holding an empty bottle of spice.
"We're almost out of thyme!"
Mom shakes her head, "he's been waiting years to say that."
My grandpa told me this joke; mind you, it was in the '90s, before all the computer tech became relevant.
Inventor runs to the patent office:
- I have a brand new machine idea!
- What does it do? - asked the official.
- You know how every man is tired of shaving every single morning? My shaving machine would be placed all over the city, for scruffy lads to just put their heads in the device, and in exchange for a quarter, it would shave their face for them! - replied the inventor.
- But Sir, every person's face has a different shape!
- ...At first!
They're big metal fans.
You know, for people looking to start Trans-Specific Partnerships.
