[Redacted]
A couple of nights ago my girlfriend and I spotted a white jackrabbit in the field near our house. We noticed one again tonight on our drive home:
Girlfriend: Hey look, it's the Easter bunny.
Me: Huh, pretty sure that's the same jackrabbit from the other night.
Girlfriend: Can't be a jackrabbit, its ears are way too small.
Me: We're clearly just splitting hares here, babe.
It took a second, but she responded with the desired groan and the "you're an idiot" face push-away. Victory.
It’s a timeless piece, really.
In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?
PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.
Hopefully this post is allowed. 5 or so years ago, I decided to post puns that I either came up with or enjoyed a lot. My goal was to make it easy to find puns based on a topic or subject. So I heavily tagged all of the entries with relevant information. I've consistently uploaded new puns on at least a weekly basis, but usually every 3 days.
I've amassed a large collection that I've decided to open source. I've dumped my database into a JSON file that is open and free to use (with proper attribution).
Let me know what you think!
https://punatorium.com/opun
Hope this is okay, but I write a new joke every week on a white board at work and I’ve run out of good ones. If you feel it’s relevant, I work for a roofing/siding company. Give me your best shot. I will reply if I find one to add to my list.
Germane
You poke em on! Am I relevant yet?
https://imgur.com/a/7MkkaPN
They 8-2 much
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/dad-joke-u
http://pvponline.com/comic/2014/10/01/involuntary-reflux
http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3473#comic
But it's growing on me
Cashew
The judge ruled the evidence was all ear-relevant.
He replied, "I thought the front lines were here."
I just watched the movie "Airplane", and the more I think about it, the more I realize that It's packed with dad jokes. The smoking ticket, the "drinking problem"... It's basically dad jokes the movie.
The cop says "Why weren't you braking back there?"
And the man replies "I'm wearing clean underwear."
The cop says "Why is that relevant?"
And the man says "Well, I don't wanna get any skidmarks."
Because he wanted quackers with his soup.
I understand my field to a degree
My buddy and I were texting a few days ago. He was complaining about the power at his place being out again (relevant, he’s lost power a few times already this winter season). Our exchange went like this:
Him: How about electricity? Wind storm knocked ours out around noon.
Me: No electricity? That’s not shocking.
I couldn’t help myself.
I walked into the kitchen wearing a new orange t-shirt.
Me: I wasn't sure I'd look good in orange, but I really like this new shirt.
Dad: You know, I heard orange is the new black.
Me: That's a TV show.
Dad: Oh, that makes so much more sense.
"Who doesn't enjoy boobs?" "They're alright." "No, half of them are left."
would she be Prague-nant?
De-composing
Speaker of the house
When I was a kid, my favourite thing ever was tractors. It was my first word, my first toy, I had posters of them on my bedroom walls and I loved to draw them too. Unfortunately with age I don’t quite have the same amount of passion nowadays. This all became relevant recently as there was this house fire on my street last week. My instincts told me to enter the house to save the family inside as the Fire Service hadn’t arrived yet. I was able to break down a door and actually clear all of the smoke from the house saving everyone inside. I escorted them out to be greeted by the Fireman who had just arrived. Puzzled, they asked how on earth I was able to clear all the smoke. I simply replied “I’m an extractor fan”.
I know this isn’t entirely relevant to the subreddit, but I’m not sure where else to ask. Can someone think of a pun to combine Christmas and Pirates, ideally one that could be used as a team name?
Dad walks about of the pantry holding an empty bottle of spice.
"We're almost out of thyme!"
Mom shakes her head, "he's been waiting years to say that."
"He's been acting real depressed," explained the gardener. "He just lays in the garden day after day, letting out these really sad sighs... "
"I see," replied the vet. "What do you grow?"
"This season it's cantaloupe, but I don't see how that's relevant."
The vet nodded knowingly and replied, "Well, that explains it-- he's a Melon Collie."
Cantaloupe
(This joke is low hanging fruit, but I'll take it anyway.)
My grandpa told me this joke; mind you, it was in the '90s, before all the computer tech became relevant.
Inventor runs to the patent office:
- I have a brand new machine idea!
- What does it do? - asked the official.
- You know how every man is tired of shaving every single morning? My shaving machine would be placed all over the city, for scruffy lads to just put their heads in the device, and in exchange for a quarter, it would shave their face for them! - replied the inventor.
- But Sir, every person's face has a different shape!
- ...At first!
