Political correctness is getting way out of hand
I was teaching political correctness to my niece and I said, "Ok let's say there's someone named Michael or Mike for short, and if Mike delivers mail, he's a Mail-man. Similarly if there's someone named Jennifer who's doing the same job what would you call her?"
What does a grammatically-correct, upside-down owl inquire?
You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
Some say there is no way for a woman to play Cat Woman correctly
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Fun fact: You can’t breathe correctly while smiling
Just kidding, made you smile :)
They just don’t taste right!
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?”
I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Why do British people say they’re “bri’ish”?
I started a job watching hourglasses just to check if the correct amount of time was passing for them.
But recently I’ve been bringing in model airplanes so I can make the hourglasses passengers and watch time fly.
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
I'm bothered by lazy geologists who don't take the time to correctly identify rocks...
Sometimes they take this schist for granite.
Cooking up some drugs is easy if u know the steps and calculate the correct dosages
My daughter(7) just caught me off guard with this.
Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?
Me: the same as mommies, I think
Daughter: her middle name is just i think?
I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.
How do you correctly compliment a dad joke?
I just got done performing at the local correctional facility
It was a captive audience
I stand corrected
Said the man in the orthopaedic shoes.
My wife insisted she has nudist genes
I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans
Edit: there->their
Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!
My wife texted me saying "Your great!". I responded, "No, you're great!" She said the text made her day when she got home.
I guess she really likes being corrected on her grammar.
Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santa’s workshop?
Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.
Dad: what do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Dad: Son, what be a pirate's favorite restaurant? Son: Arrrrby's! Dad: Correct! And what be a pirate's favorite animal? Son: Arrrrmadillo! Dad: Right again! But what be a pirate's favorite body part? Son: Easy. The arrrrrm!
Dad: You'd think it would be the arrrrm, but he's rather fond of the booty!
Remotely Yours
So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.
I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed “yes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.
When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...
Same ssh -t different server...
My wife tested my knowledge of common household herbs, and I’m happy to say I got 4 out of 5 right.
The guy who invented auto-correct passed away today.
And I still can’t say it correctly...
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
i just learn that sorry is improper grammar and that the correct way to say it is i'm sorry
I hate my cow...
Hasn’t even been making milk! It’s an utter failure.
When my father said he had a 'Dad bod', I wanted to correct him so I said "No, to me it's more like a FATHER FIGURE."
A cop left a nice note on my windshield to let me know I'd parked my car correctly...
I don't like to spell correctly
It might not be politically correct to say this....
...but Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.
There's a band called 999MB.
they haven't had any gigs yet.
I got the sack for asking a customer if they wanted smoking or non smoking.
Cremation or funeral was the correct term.
Why are there no politically correct motor-sports fans?
PC-people don't see race.
I failed my medical school entrance exam last week, thanks to nerves.
The correct answer was blood vessels.
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