Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
Guy was like, "Left side parallel, way to go."
I work in logistics and occasionally get great excuses for why truckers are late to deliver. Today a guy called in an explained he hit an alligator and blew out some tires. My buddy's response: "Sounds like he had a rare run in with the You'll Be Later Alligator. Unless it was actually an It'll Be Awhile Crocodile."
I chose "new" but they're all reposts... should be "knew" instead
They don’t like to work for peanuts.
The Crimea River
So for background, I work at McDonald's. I have to scan every Euro Bill 50 € and up.
So one day a dad comes in with his two little daughters. He places his order and hands me a 50 € bill. I scan it and scan it again and the machine won't recognize its validity, when the dad says:'That's odd, I JUST changed my printer's toner' Daughters facepalm other dads in line nod
"I like your new Jeep, but it's broken." I look at him confused. "It's in the parking lot pointing west. Shouldn't Compasses always point north?"
I told them it was called hop moskido.
This actually happened. Nobody laughed and no one I've told it to since has laughed. I think it's really funny and I need some validation. Help
Me: What time are you going to be home tonight?
Wife: Ten-ish.
Me: Okay. And what sport does Sean Connery like to play at the country club?
Wife: Ugh.
I am on the city council and we had a workshop about why utility rates are lower inside the city compared to outside.
It came down to this:
- No study was done to show the validity of the difference.
- It was strictly a policy decision with an arbitrary number.
- The reason for this approach was simply that it is "standard in the industry" and because it is "what every other city does".
Prefacing that I was a dad so I had to say it: I suggested the rational wasn't the most sound since "just because every other city jumped off a bridge, it didn't mean I wasn't going to jump off a bridge."
Mixture of groans and laughter.
I have to go to the doctor for tests later and it's required that i drink 5 million gallons of water beforehand.
Dad: "Have you been drinking?"
Me: "I've been trying, but it's pretty difficult without a valid ID."
I went grocery shopping, and picked up some shampoo and conditioner. At checkout, the cashier hands me a coupon with my receipt.
>Cashier: "Oh hey, that coupon's valid for the same shampoo you just bought."
>Me: "Cool, I guess I better hairy up and finish these, then!"
>Cashier: …
Anyway, I'm banned from that grocery store now.
One dude got it, thus validating what I was doing.
